Tag : worst
5. Uranus’ ToenailAs the god Uranus embodied the sky and space of all the Heavens, his toenail is definitely the least glamorous part of it all.
4. Achilles’ CodpieceThis cluster of stars was defined by Persian queen Huker as an homage to the warrior’s legendary manparts. It’s a constant, awkward reminder that she was infatuated with him and claimed it was the only codpiece in the universe that could cover him. Truly an eye-roller.
3. Rattus Carrotarius (Rat chewing a rotten carrot)Nothing in the sky represents the desperation of earth’s creatures quite like this one. Starving and pathetic, the rat decides to eat the rotten carrot, even at the peril of death. The Greek legend tells that the rat does survive, but loses its vision and walks right off a cliff.
2. Equus Defecus (Horse Taking Dump)Clearly the most grotesque of the “action” constellations, this one was defined by the Sumerians in 1200 BC in honor of legendary warrior Gorath slaying the evil King Habbaha. During the fight, Habbaha was staggered and fell back into a cart carrying horse manure, which emptied all over him. The movie Back To The Future makes a reference to this.
1. The Frown of ZeusThis group of stars was defined solely to remind all humans that the gods are very, very disappointed in them. Throughout the centuries, it’s been regarded as the most depressing constellation ever.
Rat Groomer
Let’s go north of the border to Canada for a fun, pet-loving adventure. In this game, you stumble upon a nest of rats in your basement and your family wants them killed. But that’s too cruel for you, so you decide to clean them all up and adopt them as pets. Will you be able to get all of them groomed and bathed before the exterminator shows up?
Venus Explorer: Extra Cloudy Edition
Getting to explore a planet in a space suit usually sounds pretty cool, but in this case, the planet is Venus where visibility is about 4″ in front of you. Aliens, bottomless pits, and corrosive acid await you at every turn. You have 20 minutes to get back to the ship before it leaves, so make every step count!
Candle Test 2000
You’re sixteen and your mom is making you get a summer job. Unfortunately, the job is Assistant Candle Tester at your uncle’s factory, which means you get to spend 8 hours a day watching candles burn to see if they melt all the way to the end or not. If you can’t keep your eyes open the whole time, the factory could burn down, so stay alert!
This year, Little League baseball in America saw some of the most majestic home runs, inspired pitching, and tough-as-nails defense it ever has. Unfortunately, for every highlight, there is a lowlight. Here are the finalists competing to be the lowest of lowlights, the 2005 Worst Little Leaguer of the Year:
Candidate #1
Name: Ben Waters
Age: 12
Town: Highland Park, Illinois
Reason: Struck out 193 times in 2005, setting a Little League record. Reportedly didn’t even foul a single ball off. His pediatrician suspects a horrific tumor, even though repeated tests have shown no ailment.
Candidate #2
Name: Eduardo Rivera
Age: 8
Town: Houston, Texas
Reason: Has never successfully touched a base. Every time he gets a hit, he runs clear past first base and slides in the dirt somewhere around shortstop. Just doesn’t get it at all.
Candidate #3
Name: Wade Davis
Age: 10
Town: Ocala, Florida
Reason: Had an ERA of 867.20 in 2005. Threw 297 wild pitches and hit 109 batters. The local sheriff is considering arresting him on juvenile assault & battery charges. Wade’s parents are considering surgery to remove his rotator cuff.