Tag : rex ryan
1. A-Rod’s Centaur PaintingAfter honoring himself by putting a painting of his head on a centaur’s body above his own bed, A-Rod took it a step further and had it commissioned as a Fathead in order to fill the bedrooms of fans worldwide. Narcissism at it’s finest.
2. Rex Ryan’s Wife’s FeetIn an unprecedented combination of sports and foot fetish, this Fathead portrays NY Jets coach Rex Ryan filming his wife’s feet. The couple released the video, along with several pornographic ones, on the internet but it wasn’t enough to quench their desires. Now they want everyone who owns a wall to see her feet.
3. Kobe’s Weird PortraitWho could ever forget the strange photo shoot Kobe Bryant did for LA Times Magazine? Now you can have Kobe’s rapey, menacing glare right next to your bed with this just-released Fathead – his costume complete with Amish rapin’ hat.
4. Rooney and Ronaldo CelebratingAs Manchester United teammates, Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo were nearly inseparable. This Fathead shows them after a match against Sunderland in 2007 in which Rooney scored a hat trick and Ronaldo gave him his due right on the field.
5. 1996 Wimbledon Final StreakerRichard Krajicek and Malivai Washington, along with us all, got a real treat before the start of their Wimbledon championship match. The incident has inspired millions of boys worldwide and thousands of Russian girls to play the sport, and its legacy will surely live on for many more decades.
New England Patriots
12-4 (1st place)
The offense will account for over 7,000 yards from scrimmage (over 400/game) thanks to a deadly aerial attack reminiscent of the 2007 team, while the most gut-busting defensive line in history will hold opposing teams to a season total of 46 rushing yards. The problem is, they’ll also give up over 8,000 yards in the air.
New York Jets
11-5 (2nd place)
After several members of the team are arrested in Week 5 following an incident at a transsexual Korean barbeque restaurant in New Jersey, the team will struggle to play .500 ball and limp into the playoffs. Head coach Rex Ryan will drive his three-axle Hoveround out on the field in Week 14 to protest the coin flip and be fined $25,000.
Miami Dolphins
8-8 (3rd place)
Off-season acquisition Reggie Bush will be the team’s highest-rated QB and throw the most touchdowns on the team thanks to a desperate reliance on the Wildcat offense. In Week 13, head coach Tony Sparano will experiment with an offense called the “Pregnant Koala”, which involves one OL surrounded by two WRs and seven RBs and will be highlighted on every sports program nationwide with the Keystone Kops theme.
Buffalo Bills
4-12 (4th place)
In planning to make a late-season run, the team will forfeit its first five games in order to preserve players’ health. Then, in a wild publicity stunt, local fans will raise millions for Jim Kelly to come out of retirement in Week 8. They’ll win three of his four starts, but he’ll be severely injured in Week 12 with a fully-torn taint following a late Bart Scott hit.