Tag : patriots
New England Patriots
12-4 (1st place)
The offense will account for over 7,000 yards from scrimmage (over 400/game) thanks to a deadly aerial attack reminiscent of the 2007 team, while the most gut-busting defensive line in history will hold opposing teams to a season total of 46 rushing yards. The problem is, they’ll also give up over 8,000 yards in the air.
New York Jets
11-5 (2nd place)
After several members of the team are arrested in Week 5 following an incident at a transsexual Korean barbeque restaurant in New Jersey, the team will struggle to play .500 ball and limp into the playoffs. Head coach Rex Ryan will drive his three-axle Hoveround out on the field in Week 14 to protest the coin flip and be fined $25,000.
Miami Dolphins
8-8 (3rd place)
Off-season acquisition Reggie Bush will be the team’s highest-rated QB and throw the most touchdowns on the team thanks to a desperate reliance on the Wildcat offense. In Week 13, head coach Tony Sparano will experiment with an offense called the “Pregnant Koala”, which involves one OL surrounded by two WRs and seven RBs and will be highlighted on every sports program nationwide with the Keystone Kops theme.
Buffalo Bills
4-12 (4th place)
In planning to make a late-season run, the team will forfeit its first five games in order to preserve players’ health. Then, in a wild publicity stunt, local fans will raise millions for Jim Kelly to come out of retirement in Week 8. They’ll win three of his four starts, but he’ll be severely injured in Week 12 with a fully-torn taint following a late Bart Scott hit.
According to this:
Boston Globe’s Red Sox buzz
it appears that this:
-Pedro offered four-year, $56 million deal with Mets
has brought us to this:
-Red Sox chase Clement
-Sox may go hard after Renteria
-Red Sox meet with Delgado
-Sox still trying for Hudson
-Wells announcement Tuesday
Jayson Stark on the Pedro deal
More: SI’s rumor mill
Pats’ Weis named Notre Dame head coach
He better forget everything he ever heard about Notre Dame until the Pats win the Super Bowl 39 in January. If they don’t, I’m holding him AND his botched stomach-stapling surgery responsible for everything.
Eli Manning’s line yesterday @ Baltimore:
4-for-18, 27 yards, 2 INTs, 1 fumble, 0.00 QB rating
Kentucky to beat everyone in March
You heard it here second. According to just about everyone at ESPN, who from here on out are never wrong, the ‘Cats are a lock for the Final Four.
The freshmen just keep getting exponentially better, making UK the youngest and scariest team in college hoops.
Except for St. Jerome’s College in Oregon, which fields a team of knife-wielding Albanian midgets.
If it hasn’t happened already, I think Jimmy Kimmel needs to do his Karl Malone bit and re-enact this whole thing. Because Karl Malone wearing a cowboy hat and saying he’s “hunting little Mexican girls” is comedy gold.