August 18, 2008
August 17, 2008
August 16, 2008
August 15, 2008
How To Apologize To a Tree 
Have you ever regretted doing or saying something bad to a tree? Like sitting in the shade of another or blurting“I’ll turn you into paper!”? If so, here’s a handy guide on how to make up with your loving tree and get things right:
| 1. Make Contact It’s up to you to reach out. But be gentle, trees will hold grudges for centuries. Depending on how bad you were, you may have to crawl up to it like a hungover wiffleballer. |
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| 2. Say You’re Sorry Suck it up and take the blame. You didn’t even like that sapling or you were drunk and wanted to climb something. The excuses are over. It has to feel your sincerity from root to leaf. |
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| 3. Listen To It Hear it out. Listen to what your tree wants to make things right. Be prepared for its list of demands, like “From now on, you have to water me six times a day.” and “Get me some squirrels.” |
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| 4. Hug It Out …and hold on tight. These are the moments that add rings. You and your tree are back together again. No lumberjack in the world could break this bond. |
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August 14, 2008
Weird City Seals
| Las Vegas, NV In 1989, the 12-member council of the city unanimously voted to permanently attach the image of Siegfried & Roy with a tiger to the official seal. The tiger pictured, named Stripes of Fury, is now a famous stud on an Arabian tiger farm. |
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| Kingston, NY The city council of Kingston allowed its residents to vote on the design of the seal in 1976, and they chose a mudwrestling scene as the winner. The justification at the time was that it was “what the town’s founders wished they were doing”. |
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| Houston, TX In a golf match during his visit to the Houston area, Kenya’s president Mwai Kibaki bet the mayor of Houston that if he sank the 34-foot putt in front of him, he could get his picture on the city’s seal. Kibaki lined it up and struck the ball with a solid pace but it was off line. But then 10 feet from the hole, a gopher bursted out of the ground, ate the rolling ball, dove into the cup and got stuck headfirst, which technically sunk the putt for Kibaki. |
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| Salisbury, MD In an effort to attract more tax dollars from the homosexual community, Salisbury opted for an image of two unicorns bumping horns on their seal. For years, Salisbury, MD was considered the gayest city in America, until Boulder, CO erected a statue of Richard Simmons in front of City Hall. |
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| Chicago, IL The Windy City has always claimed title to “Home of the Carrot Cake”, and as the sumptuous dessert is probably the city’s most famous invention, it proudly displays one in its seal. |
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June 3, 2008
A Day In The Life: Filipino Dog Edition
No one ever said it was easy being a dog. Especially one in the Philippines. While it’s technically illegal to eat dogs there, canines are a major source of protein for the island nation. So, instead of playing fetch, dogs there tend to be the daily catch.
| 6AM - Wake up! Rise and shine from your comfy crate in the back of a truck. It was a long, wet, bumpy ride all night with nose to tail, so you’re eager to greet the new day. |
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| 7 AM - Climb out of bed More like, be dragged out by your neck, but whatever. You may not be getting a gourmet breakfast, but at least you dont have other dogs gnawing on your kidneys anymore. |
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| 9 AM - Exercise Try to balance on all fours after years of maiming, disease, and neglect. If you can, you can head right out the door to work… |
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| 10 AM - Go to work Punching the clock for you means standing around for a few seconds before you get shot and tossed on a pile of your colleagues. And you thought assistant crackwhores had it rough. |
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| 5 PM - Become dinner After a long day at work, the butcher will send you home with a nice family for dinner. Good odds you’ll become another dog’s scraps. |
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