Category : Sports
On the day of his liver transplant, the Camp Nou fans saluted Eric Abidal in the 22nd minute (he wears #22). His story is a popular one and has crossed rivalry/national/language boundaries as a symbol of unity and goodwill, reminding everyone that sports are just a game and the people who play them are more than just statistics and avatars. Good times.
The NFL is comprised of players from all kinds of backgrounds that feature incredibly creative parents. When it comes to naming their future NFL stars, some folks definitely do it with a little more oomph. In their honor, here’s our list of favorite player names for the 2011 season, with a big thanks to the NFL player parents out there.
| Offense: QB – Christian Ponder (profile) RB – BenJarvus Green-Ellis (profile) RB – Danny Woodhead (profile) WR – Tysson Poots (profile) WR – Chad Ochocinco (profile) TE – Michael Hoomanawanui (profile) C – Richie Incognito (profile) OG – John Jerry (profile) OG – Manny Ramirez (profile) OT – D’Brickashaw Ferguson (profile) OT – Gosder Cherilus (profile) K – Sam Swank (profile) |
Defense: DE – Stylez G. White (profile) DE – C.J. Ah You (profile) DT – Ndamukong Suh (profile) DT – Leger Douzable (profile) LB – Stevenson Sylvester (profile) LB – Frank Zombo (profile) LB – Peanut Joseph (profile) DB – Syd’Quan Thompson (profile) DB – Captain Munnerlyn (profile) DB – Atari Bigby (profile) DB – Ashton Youboty (profile) P – Zoltan Mesko (profile) |
Whether you’re in an awesome fantasy league with close friends or some piece of crap random league cause you don’t have any, there will come a time in the upcoming season when you will need to rely upon players who may not necessarily have been their team’s or your first choice in the depth chart. But thanks to horrific injuries, mental meltdowns, and off-the-field problems, there will be a handful of guys that emerge halfway through the year and post mind-boggling stats. Here are the absolute best of those guys:
Montario Hardesty – RB, Cleveland BrownsThanks to a brutally physical style of running, Peyton Hillis is a ripe target for a gruesome injury any week. His backup is two-year vet Montario Hardesty, who is also willing to risk it all for a yard, and until one of his collarbones snaps, he’ll chew up a ton for you.
Richard Bartel – QB, Arizona CardinalsThe third-year QB out of Tarleton State is only third on the Cardinal depth chart, so when starter Kevin Kolb and backup John Skelton are benched early in the season, Bartel should shine and create a historically successful link with Larry Fitzgerald.
Jeremy Kerley – WR, New York JetsStarters Burress, Holmes, and Mason are considered the Larry, Moe, and Curly of NFL WRs, but when either Larry or Moe is arrested on a reckless endangerment charge, Schemp (aka Kerley) will be ready to step in and run end-arounds to prevent Sanchez from having to throw.
Michael Hoomanawanui – TE, St. Louis RamsThe 2nd-year TE out of Illinois (??) is poised to take the starting job from veteran Billy Bajema, and ultimately be the standard by which Samoan tight ends in the NFL are judged. Had the fifth-most receiving touchdowns for rookie TEs last year.
WINNER: Clyde PanghornPanghorn’s year became truly remarkable when, in a two-week span, he invented three air-shattering stunts: the Australian Shoehorn, the Waterfall of Terror, and the Horny Gorilla. He became famous throughout the country, and his face was on the cover of national magazines all summer. He was unquestionably America’s aerial hero.
Runner-up: Ormer LocklearKnown as the “Heavenly Hammer”, Locklear spent the year performing stunts that highlighted the luxury that would later define the “roaring” decade to come. Stunts included (while airborne): holding a bottle of champagne with his feet and drinking it, juggling pure-bred Persian cats, and harvesting caviar out of a live sturgeon. Pure extravagance.
3rd Place: Morton St. ClairSt. Clair was always pushing the boundary of what could be done with a spinning propeller, and 1920 was his most successful year. His greatest moment of the season came when he carved a life-size statue of singer Al Jolson using just a block of pine and the plane’s prop. In December, perhaps in karmic retribution, he fell into a propeller while trying to shred pillows and sky-write “Repeal Suffrage” with the scattering feathers.
Over the weekend, while I was watching Sky Sports News, they broke for a minute to do the UK Surf Report. I thought they were kidding at first, and after they gave us the details, I wished that they were. They pinpointed four spots around the entire coast of the UK (a couple English, one Welsh, and one Scottish) and their statuses consisted of “one foot”, “may reach one foot”, and “won’t reach one foot”. The point is, if anyone tells you they’re going surfing in England, they have serious emotional problems and may need to seek counseling.
Welcome to the latest edition of “Grab Your Rod!”, a series of fishing articles from our guest blogger, Boudreau Perkins. He’s a legendary swamp fisherman, and he’ll give you tips to be successful no matter where you cast your line.
Boudreau says: “Now just about everyone who’s ever gone fishin has thought about puttin a worm on their hook. That works about 1 out of 100 times. I’ve been fishin for a long time, and I never use worms. Try some of these baits and you’ll have bass, carp, and swamp salmon jumping into your boat in no time.”
Cigarette butts“Nicotine is a powerful fish attractor and there’s still enough of it in cigarette butts to lure a fish from about a hundred feet away. You think nicotine gets people excited, imagine it to a fish. It’s like cocaine to ‘em.”
Pig tails“They’re just like worms, but if worms were made outta bacon. No fish can resist that sweet taste, especially the big ones. I caught one of the biggest fishes of my life, a 52-pound catfish, with an old hog’s tail. The only drawback was that it gave the fish some mean old diarrhea while he was floppin around on the boat deck.”
Corn on the cob“This is prolly the best for catching several fish at once. You see, a small fish will start peckin at the cob, then a larger fish will spot its bright yellow color and swim over, eat the smaller fish and start peckin at it. Then a third, larger fish usually comes up and eats the second fish, then eats the corncob and it gets stuck in its gut. Then you can just yank him on up, and you get three fish for the price of one.”
1. A-Rod’s Centaur PaintingAfter honoring himself by putting a painting of his head on a centaur’s body above his own bed, A-Rod took it a step further and had it commissioned as a Fathead in order to fill the bedrooms of fans worldwide. Narcissism at it’s finest.
2. Rex Ryan’s Wife’s FeetIn an unprecedented combination of sports and foot fetish, this Fathead portrays NY Jets coach Rex Ryan filming his wife’s feet. The couple released the video, along with several pornographic ones, on the internet but it wasn’t enough to quench their desires. Now they want everyone who owns a wall to see her feet.
3. Kobe’s Weird PortraitWho could ever forget the strange photo shoot Kobe Bryant did for LA Times Magazine? Now you can have Kobe’s rapey, menacing glare right next to your bed with this just-released Fathead – his costume complete with Amish rapin’ hat.
4. Rooney and Ronaldo CelebratingAs Manchester United teammates, Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo were nearly inseparable. This Fathead shows them after a match against Sunderland in 2007 in which Rooney scored a hat trick and Ronaldo gave him his due right on the field.
5. 1996 Wimbledon Final StreakerRichard Krajicek and Malivai Washington, along with us all, got a real treat before the start of their Wimbledon championship match. The incident has inspired millions of boys worldwide and thousands of Russian girls to play the sport, and its legacy will surely live on for many more decades.
