Category : News
12-Foot Rat to Grace Martha’s Vineyard
what the hell is wrong with people?
“Though Hegarty says there isn’t a major rat problem on the island now,”
nevertheless, einstein thinks a giant inflatable rat will fix the island’s problems. what problems, you ask?
white people.
English girl sells virginity to pay tuition
finally, the market is becoming as efficient as it was intended.
the dumb broad managed to get a high bid of over $20,000. let’s see…if i invested $20,000 into the alcohol market by standard methods, i could probably afford roughly 617 virgins.
she’s a lesbian, too, which makes you start to wonder if she’s really doing this for love…
Conjoined tortoises separated in Arizona
holy crap…this is the feel good story of the year.
every friggin separation operation that gets newsworthy seems to end up sadly.
see:
but the tortoises are just chillin and thrillin now. booyakka.
Robert Blake lawyer says Marlon Brando’s son did it
this is almost as good as OJ’s excuse.
hell, if i ever get accused of anything, i’m going to blame it on one of the following:
a) a hoodrat athlete
b) a movie star’s son
c) the media
d) Romanian president Ion Illiescu
just call me soap.
also, gotta love any article that says “Blake’s attorney fingered Christian Brando…”
John Kerry Plagued by Pre-Botox Plastic Surgery Rumors
stop the presses. a very visible social figure with lots of money MAY have had plastic surgery, yo! holy crapzilla. i need time to recover.
but i digress.
doesn’t JK see how much this is tarnishing his image? he’s totally screwed…
see related: John Kerry Takes Five Out Of Seven States In Tuesday’s Primaries
134 cats, 6 dogs removed from Utah home
that’s the headline of the story…
but the first sentence on the page says:
Animal control officers have removed 134 cats, six dogs and three children from one home here.
um, three children? apparently, they’re living with friends now. the question is, why aren’t the adults mentioned in this at all? it’s just like “hey we found 8 billion animals and some kids in a house. disco music is also cool.”
Entire State of West Virginia Up For Sale on eBay
just read the article. classic.
also: Indians prospect asks forgiveness for role in gay porn video
Today. Mostly cloudy with a slight chance of snow showers this morning. Then becoming partly sunny. Very windy at times and bitterly cold. Highs 7 to 12 above. Northwest winds 25 to 35 mph with gusts around 45 mph. Chance of snow 20 percent. Wind chill values as low as 40 below this morning.
Tonight. Mostly clear and very windy at times. Lows 5 to 10 above. Northwest winds 25 to 35 mph at times.
88|88|88|
it’s -6 with a -32 wind chill as i type this. boston is one of those places that makes you wish you didn’t have a body. XX(
today, on the way to work, i drove through 16 traffic lights, 14 of which were GREEN. this is possibly the best ratio in the history of driving. if you want to send me congratulations, feel free.
so anyway, at least we’ve got a 3-day weekend coming up. if my history classes serve me correctly, MLK Jr. was the roman god of fire, so we should be expecting warmer temperatures any day now. 
US gets first faith-based prison
sick, yo. now florida’s born-again christians can get even lazier and just chill out in prison on the government’s tab while “converting” each other…
“Later, Bush told the inmates: ‘I can’t think of a better place to reflect on the awesome love of our lord Jesus than to be here at Lawtey Correctional. God bless you.’”
apparently there are 26 different “faiths” practiced in this prison, but of course this bastard gives props to JC and no one else.
Gunman Dressed as Giant Chicken Robs Grocery Shop
once again showing why the scots have the 3rd highest giant chicken crime rate in europe.
World’s largest snake in Indonesia
*insert pantsnake joke here*
2-year-old model seeks lost wages
Yeah, he ran into a rail and busted his dome.
That reminds me, one time I stubbed my toe at the palace of the Sultan of Brunei. I want half of everything.