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Category : News

Wednesday

Wednesday

Ernesto Downgraded; John now Category 4 All in the family. The Florida Hurricane Freakout Level has been lowered to Scream, but hundreds continue to flee the state due to the bear infestation. Governor Bush has created an anti-bear task squad of 20,000 paramilitary alligators, at the cost of $50,000,000 taxpayer dollars. John, meanwhile is scattering […]

Thursday

Thursday

Astronomers say Pluto is not a planet In a move that will forever redefine our solar system and alter elementary school mnemonics, scientists have declared that Pluto is not a planet. Copernicus is rotating in his grave at a speed roughly equivalent to 6.5 earth days per turn. Whatever. Pluto totally sucked anyway. Not even […]

Wednesday

Wednesday

Snoop Dogg banned from Britain After being denied serious pimpage up in first class, a huge brawl broke out while several Hummers with bikini-clad women standing out of the sunroof pulled up to the scene. After countless bottles of champagne were sprayed over the melee, police stepped in and put a halt to the video […]

Gorilla vs. Bear vs. Monkey vs. Shark

Gorilla vs. Bear vs. Monkey vs. Shark

Yeah, probably the best news story of the year so far. Bears wolf down monkey at Dutch zoo

Wednesday

Wednesday

Study: Stay-at-home moms deserve $134,121/yr salary Laff. Hard. Just plain ridiculous. Maybe knock the last 1 off that. Unfortunately, when it comes to actual skills, stay-at-home moms tend to possess very basic ones, none of which are worth any actual salary if you made a full-time job of them. The study lists “laundry machine operator” […]

Friday

Friday

Video of Delmon Young throwing bat at ump Ah, the flagrance of Delmon Young. How we love it so. This video rocks. All the people who have been saying that he “tossed” the bat at the ump are idiots. He definitely chucked it, if not tried to spear the guy. If that would’ve hit him […]

Monday

Monday

Gangsta rapper of Kabul puts peace before guns ‘n’ girls “It was my best friend, Jawad, and a rocket hit him in the neck. He died.” It would be a pretty big story if he didn’t die. Anyway, DJ Besho, aka DJ Diamond, rolls with no bikini-clad ladiez, drugs, or guns, raps in four languages, […]

Sickest Crime of the Year

Sickest Crime of the Year

Report from the Houston Chronicle Warning: this is safe for work, but the horrible, disgusting, gruesome details are not safe for kids under 3. It happened in Purcell, OK and involves a man who entertained a girl with a rat on his shoulder. Death penalty fo sho. I shudder to think what he’ll request for […]

Friday

Friday

Chad breaks ties with Sudan after assault Late Thursday night, behind the Cloud Nine Gentleman’s Club, Sudan and Chad got into an argument over whether Sudan had been sleeping with Chad’s girlfriend. The two got into a scuffle, and Sudan allegedly punched Chad in the face with brass knuckles repeatedly. Chad announced today that the […]

Wednesday

Wednesday

Freakin’ Katie Couric Moves To CBS I’m hoping this is the last time she’s in the news. By the way, did you guys realized how jacked that gal is? Me either, word on the street is that she was using the same Balco stuff as Barry Bonds, including goat testosterone and purified ram’s blood. Let’s […]