30 Aug Wednesday
All in the family. The Florida Hurricane Freakout Level has been lowered to Scream, but hundreds continue to flee the state due to the bear infestation. Governor Bush has created an anti-bear task squad of 20,000 paramilitary alligators, at the cost of $50,000,000 taxpayer dollars. John, meanwhile is scattering all of the bottle caps on Acapulco’s beaches and taking revenge on Montezuma’s homeland for all of the pollution from Mexico City melting the ice caps.
Now’s the time for husbands to charge porn on their credit card and say the hackers did it.
A suspect disguised as a “big, fat purple dude” was also seen in the vicinity at the time of the trespassing. Police are being posted at area McDonald’s to eat burgers all day and watch for intruders.