Category : Music

Avatar #6

You're black, Indian, or a New Jersey douchebag who is using the site from inside a tanning bed.

Avatar #11

Your mom just took away your $10/week allowance because you lit a rat on fire and put it in your neighbor's mailbox while "channeling the Dark Lord", who is actually a high-schooler down the street named Gerald. 

Avatar #27

You enjoy cosplay because it allows you to wear a cape in public, albeit only once a year and in a convention center.  Losing your virginity is simply not an option.

Avatar #31

You once saw a gorilla at the zoo punch another gorilla out while in the middle of taking a dump and he's been your hero ever since.

Avatar #38

You believe that your Casio calculator watch is cooler now than it ever was, and that you'll never be a truly successful pizza deliverer until they allow you to use a hoverboard.

Marky Mark

Despite the tough-guy persona that Mark Wahlberg employs in his singing and acting careers that would seem to result from a drunken Irish anthem or steelworkers' chant, Marky Mark owes his success to the sunshiny fun of The Beach Boys' "Good Vibrations".  It would later serve as inspiration for a track would make The Funky Bunch the biggest bunch since the Bradys.

The Olsen Twins

The duo that rocked the world in the 90's can give their thanks to the duo that rocked the world in the 70's, Mick Jagger & David Bowie, specifically their soul-cringing remake of "Dancing In the Street".  As the elder Olsens bumped uglies to the MTV video, the younger Olsen double-embryo harnessed the blow-fueled energy emanating from the television and vowed to conquer the medium that delivered it. 

Salma Hayek

The swinging brass vibe of the rollicking "A Taste Of Honey" by Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass is indeed responsible for one of the most talented actresses ever to cross the United States' southern border.  Disaster was narrowly avoided as the Hayeks' radio stopped picking up "The Duck" by Jackie Lee, and they were forced to switch to the station broadcasting those trumpets of passion.

Leonardo DiCaprio

One of the world's most successful actors, DiCaprio was the product of two loving parents and some downright serious funk.  One night in February 1974, the relentlessly nasty rhythm of Kool & The Gang's "Jungle Boogie" took hold of Mr. and Mrs. DiCaprio and jolted over $100 million worth of earning power into their loins. 

The Rock

One night in late 1971, when Dwayne Johnson's folks needed a little spark of warmth, they tragically turned to the feel-good tune "Yo-Yo" by The Osmonds.  Little did they know that it would dramatically alter their son's fate, as he was destined to become the scientist to find the cure for cancer, but instead, thanks to the whimsical vibe of the song, he would turn towards a life of cheesy fake wrestling.