Exercise #1:

While fully dressed in a suit, approach the destabilizer. Press your gut up against the padding and have your buddy go through all of the reasons why everyone in elementary school thought you were such a loser. You will soon convulse in a fit of crying.

Burns: 300 calories/hr

Exercise #2:

Relax upon the benchmaster with a slight posture. Pull the handcrank until the iron roller compresses your flabby muscles into more compact, efficient shreds of beef. This can eliminate up to 2-3″ off of your waistline per session. Caution: Do Not Use Compressor Near Genitalia

Burns: 60 calories/hr

Exercise #3:

Find a wheelchair and put it up on blocks at least 12″ off the ground. Find a sturdy piece of wood at least 3 feet long and wrest it behind your back under your armpits. Pull arms forward and lean back as hard as you can for proper spinal correction. Stop if sensation in extremities is lost.

Burns: 135 calories/hr

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve recapped the latest action on the QRO tip. We’ve been updating like monsters, so here’s as much as I can squeeze into a concise update:

Features:
Married Indie Couples
2007 Festival Guide
Day-by-day SXSW Recaps

Album Reviews:
Blonde Redhead’s 23
Caspian’s The Four Trees
iLIKETRAiNS’ Progress Reform
Kings of Leon’s Because of the Times
Andrew Bird’s Armchair Apocrypha
LCD Soundsystem’s Sound of Silver
The Go Find’s Stars on the Wall

Concert Reviews/Photos:
Menomena live in Boston
Sebadoh live in New York & Photos
Land of Talk live in New York & Photos
The Shins live in New York & Photos
of Montreal live in Boston & Photos

Last night, we went to Great Scott to see Radka play, hang out, and stuff like that. Before we got there, though, we hit up Soul Fire, which is so freaking good I almost couldn’t leave.

Anyway, while we were at Great Scott, we found out David Arquette was there kind of hosting the show and promoting his upcoming movie, The Tripper. Turns out his character’s name is “Muff”. Good lord. But, he was buying beer for people, which was cool.

Also helped re-invent the word “gick”, which refers to a girl who’s a dick. She’s not a bitch, she’s a gick. Enjoy.

So, as hundreds of you have pointed out, over the last few days, the commenting on here was broken. Well, that was because the link to each individual post was broken. Why? Because my ghetto hosting provider, Lunarpages, put me on a ghetto temporary server.

The section I used to have that showed what songs I was playing on my computer somehow busted, which created an infinite loop of 404 badness that caused hell on the server I was on. So they banished me. I fixed the problem within 30 minutes of finding out about it and that was last Thursday. I told them it was fixed, they acknowledged it, and said a few more days would be needed to ensure the problem was solved.

It’s now the following Wednesday, and not only have these knuckleheads not put me back on the regular server with all the functionality this site needs, they haven’t even responded to me in four days, which leads me to believe they’re really a bunch of pirates who live in Baja Mexico.

Needless to say, I’m pissed, and am about to switch. And finally, don’t ever use Lunarpages. They’re sluts!

Since I went to Austin during the first week of March Madness, I couldn’t really run a tourney pool like I usually do, so the only one I entered was the one at work. I ended up tied for 4th, which ain’t bad, but the guy who ran the pool won it. He also won the pool on Boston.com.

His prize is what you see to the right. Any competition that has a prize of meat and a trophy is a heck of a competition. Next year, I might offer up a prize of steak and trophy in lieu of money for winning the pool that I run. Sometime between now and then, let’s hope Kentucky signs Billy Donovan.

When the dude revealed the secret ingredient that looked like a pile of meat, I immediately shouted “Goat!” - and I was right. I had to watch. Man, was it worth it. There were some excellent moments:

9:04 - Unnecessary close-up of skinned goat’s face. Mmm.

9:08 - Flay busts out pork to mix in a possible goatloaf.

9:09 - Brauch: “He’s rubbed his meat and spanked his pomegranates.”

9:14 - Syler begins the awkward virginity discussion: “I’m kind of a goat virgin.”

9:15 - Brown: “Maybe someone will deep-fry a head.”

9:16 - Some sous chef is pouring a bottle of Mexican Coca-Cola into a pot. What exactly is the difference between American and Mexican Coke?

9:39 - Andres uses some sort of Spanish bong to infuse the goat with “applewood” smoke. Brown offers to make a Twinkie run.

9:46 - Steingarten keeps mentioning recipes with gerbil. That’s all I’m saying.

For completely legitimate reasons, we sometimes need to type with our left hands. Like, using your right hand to hold a glass of beer, or arm-wrestle, or give a thumbs-up to a bear riding a unicycle. If you find yourself in a such a situation, here’s pretty much what your vocabulary will be:

Well, according to the timestamps, I haven’t been posting here in about a month. I’ve been focusing energy on the awesome QRO Magazine, as well as winning contests.

I spent most of last week in Austin, TX at South by Southwest after winning a contest through Current TV. They paid for airfare, hotel, badges, and $500 spending cash. Lemme tell ya, it was ridiculous. Check out this for proof. I highly recommend winning this contest next year.

I plan to actually update this thing again now that I’ve got mobile home access action. Yeeeehaw!

Duke snaps 4-game losing streak @ Boston College
BC should be ashamed of themselves for going down 21 points the way they did. After that, they didn’t deserve to win. So painful to watch.

Celtics end 18-game losing streak
Had they lost, it could’ve easily gone to 24 in a heartbeat. If Doc is still here after this year, I’ll throw up.

Anja Pärson becomes the first alpine skier ever to have World Ski Championship gold medals in all five disciplines
Sort of like the Tiger Slam of skiing. I should put her on QRO as another Swedish Sensation.

This guy tries to dunk using a chair
Nice sweater.

Unexplainable video of Mr. Belding, Tony Romo, and some metal parody band on stage together
You heard the principal! STFU!

Added a couple more concert photo sets. Interviewed The Early Years, have another on the way. Reviews at least every day… Good times.

Our review of Sondre Lerche’s Phantom Punch
” ” of Clinic’s Visitations
Our interview with The Early Years
Our concert photos of Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks
” ” of Mission of Burma

It’s that time of year. Time to sack up and get a huge tv to watch the Super Bowl on. We did it back the 9er and it was the best idea we’ve ever had. Here’s what you’re in the market for this year:

Sony 70″ Grand Wega
Weight: 278 lbs
Sony claims to have the best picture in the world on this bad boy, but it’s not a super-thin LCD and frankly, that’s not good enough. Your TV shouldn’t outweigh you.

Samsung 63″
Weight: 128 lbs
More sleek and modest than the Sony, the Samsung’s best feature is a chip that has the ability to censor out Peyton Manning’s face.

Pioneer 61″ PureVision
Weight: 175 lbs
What does “PureVision” mean? It’s so clear that watching it will improve your vision. Get one and you can tell your optometrist to go screw his/herself.

Samsung 102″ Atlas
Weight: ??? lbs
The biggest out there. Run a fake charity, burglarize thieves’ apartments, do whatever it takes to raise the $100,000 or whatever to get one. It’s guaranteed to be worth it.

If you’re like me and want to go to a group of upscale tropical islands in the Indian Ocean to escape winter, then I’ll meet you in The Seychelles. They’re about 90 islands off of East Africa, mostly French-influenced, and flat-out gorgeous. There’s nothing to do there but enjoy the scenery, relax, and snorkel with the stingrays.

Seychelles Wikitravel entry
www.seychelles.travel

I challenge anyone to a race where the first person who takes a picture of him/herself on each island wins and the loser has to pay for the winner’s travel and accomodations. Who wants in?