| Yosemite Sam “Back Off” Nothing quite says “get off my tail” like the drawn pistols of the rough-riding icon. The diminutive outlaw represents reckless anger, stunted growth, and a shoot-first-ask-later attitude |
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| Surprised Whoopi Goldberg After Sister Act 2 stormed theaters in 1993, Whoopi was everywhere. Her shocked look was wildly popular on trucks owned by people who thought Rupaul was a woman. |
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| Naked Lady Usually found on long-haul trucks, in which a sex-starved driver is likely flipping the pages of Playboy while the Navitron Autodrive does all of the work for him. |
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| Bull Goring Matador In Butt One of the most iconic images of the last few decades, Jambo the Bull ramming his horn into matador Jorge Felicio’s buttcheek was the best-selling mudflap from 1998-2001. |
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September 15, 2008
Classic Mudflaps 
September 11, 2008
Top 5 Best Tiger Handheld Games
Before Gameboy hit the market, there weren’t many options in the portable gaming world. Tiger Electronics pretty much had a monopoly after cornering the market with their 2-bit graphics and 2-button consoles. They were slightly better than nothing, and surely saved most of us from tearing up countless waiting rooms out of boredom. Here’s a list of the best ones they ever made:
| #1 Karnov Easy question: What’s more awesome than a fire-breathing Russian chasing down and fighting dinosaurs? Obviously, nothing. Well, maybe if he was a fire-breathing Russian pirate, but that’s impossible. |
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| #2 Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest Even better than the NES version, this handheld gem made whipping bats feel as real as possible, not to mention having the best final boss graphics in history. |
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| #3 Pitfighter Considered the grandfather of the currently popular Mixed Martial Arts fighting movement, this brutal game set the tone for Mortal Kombat with its blood-soaked effects and moves like the “Spleen-Thrower” and “Jugular Jump Rope”. |
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| #4 Dinosaurs! At some point or another, everyone wants to be a dinosaur. Here, you could be a triceratops and hunt brontosauri or peck T-Rex’s eyes out all day as a pterodactyl, rendering its dainty little arms useless. |
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| #5 Shaq Attaq: Monster Jam Let’s face it, most people watch basketball for one reason: dunking. Using the special Shaq Attaq combo in this game would allow you to rock the rim so hard that the LCD would shatter. Sick. |
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September 5, 2008
Vacation Spot o’ the Week: Hammamet
Tune your GPS to Tunisia, cause you’re going to Hammamet. Known as the “San Tropez of Tunisia”, you can do anything from drink on the beach to drink in a club, or ride a donkey in the nearby desert.
Check out the really old pottery or even walk past the gay disco where Erwin Rommel got his nickname, “Desert Fox”.
September 4, 2008
Tramp, Vagrant, or Vagabond?
In an ongoing effort here at Synapticblur to clarify types of bums, we present a quiz that helps distinguish the three main classes of wanderers: the tramps, the vagrants, and the vagabonds. Sometimes, a person can even be multiple or all three types. The answer key is below.
1. One who rides upon a freight train of a railroad without a permit
2. One who acts suspiciously around a steamboat landing
3. Drunk who begs for or demands sugar
4. Pickpocket
5. Wandering beggar of money, food, or clothing
6. Street-walking musician
7. Thief on an omnibus
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Answers:
1. Tramp 2. Vagabond 3. Vagrant 4. Vagabond 5. Tramp, Vagrant 6. Tramp, Vagrant, Vagabond 7. Vagabond
World Kid Boxing Rankings
| #1: Herman “Blood-Guzzlin” Beckhelder The eight-year-old reclaims the #1 spot after knocking out three opponents in one day in Thailand. While one victim laid unconscious on the canvas with a bleeding nose, Williams grabbed a straw and drank from the gushing wound. |
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| #2: Joey Vincenzo The fully-clothed assassin recently used a right hook at a match in Teaneck, New Jersey that was so vicious, it knocked the boxer’s jaw into the fourth row and into the lap of a horrified spectator. |
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| #3: Kid Death Considered the latest incarnation of the Grim Reaper, the 18-month-old boxer continues to climb the rankings after killing two opponents last month - one by uppercut, and one by headbutt that the referee missed and did not penalize. |
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| #4: Aisha “Dracula” Hinske Hinske’s signature “neck-chomper” finishing move ended another opponent’s career last week when she tore a 4″ section of his neck out after knocking him down in the fourth round. |
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| #5: “Crack Rock” Collins In June, he used a ten-second, 88-punch combo to defeat his opponent after he ingested a reported $149,000 rock of crack upon entering the ring of an unsanctioned bout in Toronto. |
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August 28, 2008
Bulgarian Space Program Update
| Contest Winner goes to space Zolzak Mygy, the winner of a contest held by the Bulgarian Space Kommissary (BSK) and Sofia radio station K-ZNRKZ, learns he will be the first to fly on the brand-new space shuttle, Blozorg II. |
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| Blozorg II prepared for launch Using an old, abandoned farm silo for its launch site, the BSK prepares to send Blozorg II as far as it will possibly go - and hopefully out of the earth’s atmosphere. |
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| What a ride! After many brutal twists & turns, the Blozorg II backfires and sputters its way up and out of the earth’s gravitational pull. Cosmonaut Mygy’s profanity-laced journey is broadcast across the nation. |
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| Made it in one piece The burnt carcass of Blozorg II begins its orbit by hitting a space boulder, but maintains cabin pressure and Cosmonaut Mygy has only twenty-four broken bones. |
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| Trouble in space From an onboard camera, BSK mission control detects empty beer cans and cigarette boxes littering the Blozorg II cabin. Cosmonaut Mygy is heard singing and moaning off-screen. Stay tuned… |
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August 15, 2008
How To Apologize To a Tree
Have you ever regretted doing or saying something bad to a tree? Like sitting in the shade of another or blurting“I’ll turn you into paper!”? If so, here’s a handy guide on how to make up with your loving tree and get things right:
| 1. Make Contact It’s up to you to reach out. But be gentle, trees will hold grudges for centuries. Depending on how bad you were, you may have to crawl up to it like a hungover wiffleballer. |
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| 2. Say You’re Sorry Suck it up and take the blame. You didn’t even like that sapling or you were drunk and wanted to climb something. The excuses are over. It has to feel your sincerity from root to leaf. |
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| 3. Listen To It Hear it out. Listen to what your tree wants to make things right. Be prepared for its list of demands, like “From now on, you have to water me six times a day.” and “Get me some squirrels.” |
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| 4. Hug It Out …and hold on tight. These are the moments that add rings. You and your tree are back together again. No lumberjack in the world could break this bond. |
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August 14, 2008
Weird City Seals
| Las Vegas, NV In 1989, the 12-member council of the city unanimously voted to permanently attach the image of Siegfried & Roy with a tiger to the official seal. The tiger pictured, named Stripes of Fury, is now a famous stud on an Arabian tiger farm. |
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| Kingston, NY The city council of Kingston allowed its residents to vote on the design of the seal in 1976, and they chose a mudwrestling scene as the winner. The justification at the time was that it was “what the town’s founders wished they were doing”. |
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| Houston, TX In a golf match during his visit to the Houston area, Kenya’s president Mwai Kibaki bet the mayor of Houston that if he sank the 34-foot putt in front of him, he could get his picture on the city’s seal. Kibaki lined it up and struck the ball with a solid pace but it was off line. But then 10 feet from the hole, a gopher bursted out of the ground, ate the rolling ball, dove into the cup and got stuck headfirst, which technically sunk the putt for Kibaki. |
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| Salisbury, MD In an effort to attract more tax dollars from the homosexual community, Salisbury opted for an image of two unicorns bumping horns on their seal. For years, Salisbury, MD was considered the gayest city in America, until Boulder, CO erected a statue of Richard Simmons in front of City Hall. |
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| Chicago, IL The Windy City has always claimed title to “Home of the Carrot Cake”, and as the sumptuous dessert is probably the city’s most famous invention, it proudly displays one in its seal. |
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June 3, 2008
A Day In The Life: Filipino Dog Edition
No one ever said it was easy being a dog. Especially one in the Philippines. While it’s technically illegal to eat dogs there, canines are a major source of protein for the island nation. So, instead of playing fetch, dogs there tend to be the daily catch.
| 6AM - Wake up! Rise and shine from your comfy crate in the back of a truck. It was a long, wet, bumpy ride all night with nose to tail, so you’re eager to greet the new day. |
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| 7 AM - Climb out of bed More like, be dragged out by your neck, but whatever. You may not be getting a gourmet breakfast, but at least you dont have other dogs gnawing on your kidneys anymore. |
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| 9 AM - Exercise Try to balance on all fours after years of maiming, disease, and neglect. If you can, you can head right out the door to work… |
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| 10 AM - Go to work Punching the clock for you means standing around for a few seconds before you get shot and tossed on a pile of your colleagues. And you thought assistant crackwhores had it rough. |
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| 5 PM - Become dinner After a long day at work, the butcher will send you home with a nice family for dinner. Good odds you’ll become another dog’s scraps. |
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June 26, 2007
Lost “Dumbo’s Circus” Episode
During the 1980’s, “Dumbo’s Circus” was one of the Disney Channel’s most popular shows. It aired for four successful seasons, and all episodes were considered accounted for until recently. Producers discovered a lost, unaired episode called “Nothing Gold Can Stay”. Executives considered it too serious and ordered it permanently shelved. Here’s the breakdown:
One evening, Barnaby the Dog shows up unannounced in Lilly the Cat’s dressing room. She’s horrified, but before she can let out a scream, Barnaby tapes her mouth shut. They struggle and the scene cuts out. The next scene opens with a shot of blood on Lilly’s chair.
That afternoon, Barnaby sneaks Lilly’s body out of the circus grounds in his Magic Box. In the next scene, he’s shown at the top of a nearby mountain performing a pagan sacrifice ceremony on her body.
After a few hours, Dumbo notices that Lilly’s missing and searches all over the circus for her — while Barnaby nervously watches. Dumbo tells QT the Orangutan that he suspects foul play in her disappearance. A circus-wide gathering takes place to discuss possible scenarios.
During the discussion, Barnaby shouts “Stop everything! I did it! I killed Lilly! Ah haHaAhHAa!!” Everyone’s jaw drops, and the policemen at the scene quickly handcuff Barnaby. After 2 minutes of deliberation, the circus unanimously votes to hang Barnaby, and justice is quickly served.
April 26, 2007
My New Car Stereo
About two months after my car stereo died, I have a new one. My Kenwood reversable face crapped out on me and I guess I wanted to see how driving in silence was. It wasn’t that cool. So I bought a JVC cd player that plays MP3 CDs and has a plug for iPods.
The catch was that I wanted to install it myself, which involved switching out the wire harness. I pulled it off (the negative battery connection) and did it during lunch. Now I can listen to ridiculously continuous amounts of the music I want whenever I want.
I highly recommend getting a CD player in your car that can allow for more than just CDs. And installing it yourself. It’s fun.
April 25, 2007
Save the Models
Everyday, over 200 models succumb to starvation. Most never get a proper education. Some are whisked away and forced to work long hours on beaches in hot conditions.
But you can help.
For just a few hundred dollars a day, you can give a model the nutrition, knowledge, and opportunities they deserve. They’ll be sent real, gourmet foods, like this chocolate & cardamom fondant with poached tamarillo.
They’ll also be given pop-up books and allowed to work fully-clothed in suitable conditions. Everything they need to survive in today’s world. Act now before it’s too late.
