I have officially lost all faith in American politics. We have hit rock bottom.

To cope, I have severed ties and changed my name to Al-Baqqa Mohammed and I’m moving to Andorra.

Hope you all burn.

-Big Al Gore

Finally, we’ve made it to Election Day 2004.

I just want to wish every voter luck in getting their vote to count.

I’ll be voting at 5pm in Hambone, TN if anyone cares. Please, please give me publicity.

-Big Al Gore

Over the weekend, I went to a Halloween party in D.C., and guess who showed up?

Dubya AND JFK were there. Dubya was dressed as a female leprechaun, and Kerry was Dubya.

Ugh, I really need to stop drinking.

-Big Al Gore

Have you guys seen this Azzam the American character?

“The streets will run red…” HA!

What if we get rid of all of our streets? HM? Then what??

Biatch.

-Big Al Gore

I would like to congratulate the Red Sox and the City of Boston and all of New England on their 2004 World Championship.

Now all you have left is the curse of Michael Dukakis. That’s right, Kerry has no chance. You’ll all come crying back to me! HA!

-Big Al Gore

Did you hear about the new videotaped terrorist threat? The reason given for the attack is that we elected George W. Bush.

I guess on Nov. 2nd, it comes down to Kerry = ??? and Bush = Massive Death.

Rock the vote!

-Big Al Gore

Since politics always focus on what people think are important, I think we should consider what’s not important.

Some of the least important things in this election year are certainly:

-new Food Tax
-secret human laboratory testing
-Pacific Northwest

-Big Al Gore

Know what’s funny? I just remembered that while I was Veep, I installed a secret compartment in the billiard room at Number One Observatory Circle.

In it, I think I put a box of twinkies, a 6-pack of Dr. Pepper, and the map to Aaron Burr’s gold. Sweet. Now I just have to… hm…

-Big Al Gore

Once again, the polls show a dead heat between Kerry and Bush.

What if they tie??

WHAT IF THEY TIE?!?!

OH GODW WZNy0ad!111!!!!!!!!

-Big Al Gore

Today, the President and Senator Kerry will stop in Iowa, hoping to scam those precious, unimportant votes out of the Corn State.

In 2000, I didn’t even go to Iowa. I actually didn’t find out what “Iowa” was until two years after the election. Hell, I lost by only 537 votes, and still Iowa wouldn’t have mattered.

-Big Al Gore

What would the penalty be if someone were to hit President Bush with a water balloon on one of his campaign stops?

What would the penalty be if the balloon was full of killer bees?

Or acid balls? Or magic nails?

-Big Al Gore

The latest Zogby poll says Kerry and Bush are tied with 45% popularity each.

I guarantee that by next week, Kerry will have a substantial lead thanks to a molestation scandal that I’ll reveal on network TV.

Let’s just say Dubya’s disco days were more than child’s play.

-Big Al Gore