synapticblur | 2008 August
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August 2008

28 Aug Bulgarian Space Program Update

Contest Winner goes to space
Zolzak Mygy, the winner of a contest held by the Bulgarian Space Kommissary (BSK) and Sofia radio station K-ZNRKZ, learns he will be the first to fly on the brand-new space shuttle, Blozorg II.
Blozorg II prepared for launch
Using an old, abandoned farm silo for its launch site, the BSK prepares to send Blozorg II as far as it will possibly go – and hopefully out of the earth’s atmosphere.
What a ride!
After many brutal twists & turns, the Blozorg II backfires and sputters its way up and out of the earth’s gravitational pull. Cosmonaut Mygy’s profanity-laced journey is broadcast across the nation.
Made it in one piece
The burnt carcass of Blozorg II begins its orbit by hitting a space boulder, but maintains cabin pressure and Cosmonaut Mygy has only twenty-four broken bones.
Trouble in space
From an onboard camera, BSK mission control detects empty beer cans and cigarette boxes littering the Blozorg II cabin. Cosmonaut Mygy is heard singing and moaning off-screen. Stay tuned…
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15 Aug How To Apologize To a Tree

Have you ever regretted doing or saying something bad to a tree? Like sitting in the shade of another or blurting“I’ll turn you into paper!”? If so, here’s a handy guide on how to make up with your loving tree and get things right:

1. Make Contact
It’s up to you to reach out. But be gentle, trees will hold grudges for centuries. Depending on how bad you were, you may have to crawl up to it like a hungover wiffleballer.
2. Say You’re Sorry
Suck it up and take the blame. You didn’t even like that sapling or you were drunk and wanted to climb something. The excuses are over. It has to feel your sincerity from root to leaf.
3. Listen To It
Hear it out. Listen to what your tree wants to make things right. Be prepared for its list of demands, like “From now on, you have to water me six times a day.” and “Get me some squirrels.”
4. Hug It Out
…and hold on tight. These are the moments that add rings. You and your tree are back together again. No lumberjack in the world could break this bond.
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14 Aug Weird City Seals

Las Vegas, NV
In 1989, the 12-member council of the city unanimously voted to permanently attach the image of Siegfried & Roy with a tiger to the official seal. The tiger pictured, named Stripes of Fury, is now a famous stud on an Arabian tiger farm.
Kingston, NY
The city council of Kingston allowed its residents to vote on the design of the seal in 1976, and they chose a mudwrestling scene as the winner. The justification at the time was that it was “what the town’s founders wished they were doing”.
Houston, TX
In a golf match during his visit to the Houston area, Kenya’s president Mwai Kibaki bet the mayor of Houston that if he sank the 34-foot putt in front of him, he could get his picture on the city’s seal. Kibaki lined it up and struck the ball with a solid pace but it was off line. But then 10 feet from the hole, a gopher bursted out of the ground, ate the rolling ball, dove into the cup and got stuck headfirst, which technically sunk the putt for Kibaki.
Salisbury, MD
In an effort to attract more tax dollars from the homosexual community, Salisbury opted for an image of two unicorns bumping horns on their seal. For years, Salisbury, MD was considered the gayest city in America, until Boulder, CO erected a statue of Richard Simmons in front of City Hall.
Chicago, IL
The Windy City has always claimed title to “Home of the Carrot Cake”, and as the sumptuous dessert is probably the city’s most famous invention, it proudly displays one in its seal.
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