Monthly Archives: January 2007

The responsibility of owning an NBA franchise is great. Many owners don’t fulfill all of the duties required of the position to help their team win any (legal) way they can. Here’s a quick guide for owners to utilize to make each home game a little more winable for their team.

1. Have the mascot carry around a blow-up doll with a picture of an opposing player’s wife or girlfriend taped to the face.

2. Give away free seats behind the opponent’s bench to ex-cons and bikers. Provide free food and alcohol as well.

3. Heat the floor under the opponent’s bench.

4. During each of the opponent’s possessions, play a Michael Bolton song through the arena’s sound system.

5. Keep the opponent’s locker room at 55°F, provide only an ice skating rink-style locker cabinet, and allow pigeons to roam free inside it.

Well, I stand corrected on Boise State getting routed by OU. This thing went back and forth like crazy till the end, complete with a couple of miraculous plays. Whew.