It’s that time of year. Time to sack up and get a huge tv to watch the Super Bowl on. We did it back the 9er and it was the best idea we’ve ever had. Here’s what you’re in the market for this year:

Sony 70″ Grand Wega
Weight: 278 lbs
Sony claims to have the best picture in the world on this bad boy, but it’s not a super-thin LCD and frankly, that’s not good enough. Your TV shouldn’t outweigh you.

Samsung 63″
Weight: 128 lbs
More sleek and modest than the Sony, the Samsung’s best feature is a chip that has the ability to censor out Peyton Manning’s face.

Pioneer 61″ PureVision
Weight: 175 lbs
What does “PureVision” mean? It’s so clear that watching it will improve your vision. Get one and you can tell your optometrist to go screw his/herself.

Samsung 102″ Atlas
Weight: ??? lbs
The biggest out there. Run a fake charity, burglarize thieves’ apartments, do whatever it takes to raise the $100,000 or whatever to get one. It’s guaranteed to be worth it.