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Yes, I made this. (and all of these)

This was actually the first time since Goldeneye that I’ve seen a Bond flick in the theater, so I was pretty psyched. Big Bond fan, and it was the whole weird Star Wars “first episode after the fact” type of deal. Had to go.

The opening black-and-white scene quickly got the old school vibe out of the way and then it jumped to Uganda, which is about the only place Bond hadn’t been yet. After an exhaustive chase that showed how green Bond was, he ends up in the Bahamas, and the first Bond girl is intoduced - some Persian/Spanish/Eskimo-looking chick who, as it turns out, was by far the hottest in the flick. He romps around and whatnot, and shoots off to Miami. After another massively exhausting fight/chase scene, homeboy saves the day, which costs our villain, Le Chiffre (who might actually be Alex Kapranos), about $150 million.

So a high stakes Texas Hold ‘Em (does everyone play this now??) game gets set up in Montenegro, and Bond gets a seat at the table. About here, we’re introduced to Vesper Lynd, a sub-par Bond accountant gal who’s basically just a beyotch. After losing a ton of money, barfing, and having a heart attack, Jimbo steps up and wins the single most ridiculous hand of poker ever. By this point, Le Chiffre is super pissed, ganks Vesper, and a weird ball-scratching torture scene ensues. During all this, the CIA guy, Felix, totally betrays Bond, which doesn’t make sense since he and Felix are old buds in the first first Bond flick, Dr. No. Whatever. Just sayin’.

Next thing you know, Bondzo wakes in some Tyrolian lake scene all recovering and stuff from whatever they did to him. This is where Bond’s buddy uses my old cell phone that I dropped in the toilet on the 4th of July. Dude freaking falls head over heels for this chick Vesper, and next thing you know, he’s out of the game. Until… she runs off with his money. Not cool. Bond chases her and her bosses around Venice, topples a building, and Bond turns into the cool, calculating bastard we all know and love. Case closed. I enjoyed it a lot - some of it was kinda dumb, some was hot, but overall, it was pretty interesting and unlike any of the other Bond films in many ways. A definite must-see.