Military Monkey
You are a war-mongerer hellbent on conquering the planet in the name of democracy. You have a basement full of new and antique weapons, often shoot a bazooka for fun on your ranch, and hunt everything for sport.

French Monkey
You are un-American and foolishly consider yourself an artist, despite your only talent being able to drink huge quantities of wine. You’re rude to everyone for no reason, throw like a girl, and drive like you’re blind.

Space Monkey
You are a drug addict and think that Mars is inhabited by a clan of radioactive chimps. Every night, you look at Mars through your telescope to keep an eye on their nuclear program, and worry that you’re the Earth’s only hope against them.

Karate Monkey
You’ve been the victim of bullying all of your life and look to your sock monkey, who is also your only friend, as a righteous protector. You once karate chopped your grandma in the neck when she walked up from behind to hug you.

Sailor Monkey
You’ve gotta be gay. Prussian Navy style. You like to dress up like a little sailor boy and pretend that you’re sailing the high seas singing jolly tunes and sucking on lemons to prevent scurvy. Elton John is in your MySpace Top 8.