Yanks’ Wang wins 15th
Hahahahhaahahha - gotta love it.

Manny & Papi: Best 3-4 Evs?
I say heck yes.

Weird “Reds Fan” video
Is this the official band of the wagon?

Procedure Performed Per Padres’ P Park’s Problem, Prognosis Positive
OMG!BOWELZ??!!LOL!11!MY BOWELS?!11!

Mets acquire OF Green from Diamondbacks
As if they needed more offense. NL = in hell.
Related: Beltran’s mole

Astronomers say Pluto is not a planet

In a move that will forever redefine our solar system and alter elementary school mnemonics, scientists have declared that Pluto is not a planet. Copernicus is rotating in his grave at a speed roughly equivalent to 6.5 earth days per turn. Whatever. Pluto totally sucked anyway. Not even Wal-Mart could do business there.

Morning-after pill OK’d for over-the-counter sale

In an effort to make life better for every American, and put the nation in a good mood, the FDA is allowing OTC BC. Singer R. Kelly stood before Congress and argued the merits of the decision, claiming simply, “So much booty.”

Polar bear genitals shrinking due to pollution

Somewhere, Stephen Colbert is smiling.

Blue Jays fan storms field in Blue Jays jersey

This opens so many doors for future field-storming.

The show started off slowly as the Dap Kings tried to coax us off our grass-padded asses, but nearly everyone ignored them. After most of their extra-tight soul-blues set, they brought some crazy-dancing, middle-aged women onstage to get more people on their feet. It kinda worked. Here’s to you, windmill lady.

After a take-five, Sharon Jones came out and it got nuts. She got down, dirty, and shoeless & rocked out immediately. Then she did a funky dance homage to her culture & heritage. She also busted out “How Do I Let A Good Man Down?”, her NYC commercial cover song, “This Land Is Your Land”, and “My Man Is A Mean Man”.

But she was looking for a “young man” for “Take Love Easy”, and that young man turned out to be me. So I went up onstage, and she gave me a lesson in life, love, and slow groovin’. Then she “played Cupid” and brought up my significant other and we acted out the lyrics and danced for everyone. Ridiculously fun and cool. The MFA’s courtyard was kind of a stuffy place for a soul/jazz/funk/blues set, but at least we had fun. Tons, in fact.