1. Tamil Tigers (Sri Lanka)
Notorious for blowing up civilians and using babies as bombs. Plus, who uses a mascot to represent a violent rebel army? It’s like if it was the Dixie Dodgers trying to secede the South in the Civil War. Just sounds silly.

2. Karen National Liberation Army (Myanmar)
Fighting for its own state, called Kawthoolei, which means Green Land. Unfortunately, Greenland has it trademarked, so there could be a copyright infringement war as well.

3. ETA (Spain)
Yep, the bombers you’ve heard about. Like hippies on crack, these socialists want their own land, where they can Basque in the sun while picking beans and smearing suntan lotion made from goat’s milk on each other.

4. Kurdistan Workers Party (Middle East)
They’ve gotten screwed by just about every Middle Eastern nation, and they’re not gonna take it anymore. They don’t care who they kill, they hate everyone equally.

5. Breton Revolutionary Army (France)
Like some blackhole of surrender, these guys and the French government both keep giving in to each other, resulting in an infinite non-decision, and keeping the status quo.

Worst Anti-Secessionist Group: Janjaweed – ‘Nuff said.