1. Roman
The original Italian stallions stomped all around the Med, defining what we now know as Western civilization. Its rulers have enjoyed timeless fame. They built roads, farms, and cities throughout the Europe, while developing German beer and French wine. Inestimable significance.

2. Mongol
Largest empire by area ever. Genghis Khan & the gang killed off most of Asia. As a result, had an approval rating similar to Dubya’s.

3. British
India, Australia, Hong Kong, Canada, Africa, Caribbean. Basically all of the places you would go on your dream vacation. Here’s to viciously polite supremacy.

4. Holy Roman
The Vatican-based behemoth owned some of the fanciest areas of Europe in the Middle Ages, making religion stylish while throwing lavish parties. Everyone was wealthy, even the peasants, and Jesus Juice was flowin’ 24/7. Trappist monks who brew some of the best beer in the world started as interns in the HRE.

5. Tu’i Tonga
Welcome to paradise. These folks have been stable for about 1,000 years, which is about how long I’d like to spend on these jeweled isles. Pass me another coconut martini.