My quarterfinal predictions:
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David Hasselhoff German World Cup Leisure Correspondent |
| Someone at a bar the other night yelled “Hey, Baywatch!” at me. I told him to call me Mr. Hasselhoff or else. So he repeated himself, and I picked him up by his collar, hung him on the moose antlers, and punched him in the gut until he passed out. |
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Yes, I made this. (and all of these)
Jason Lytle @ Paradise (7/25)
Sound Team @ TT’s (7/26)
Editors @ Paradise (7/30)
Muse @ BoA Pavilion (8/2)
Phoenix @ Paradise (8/8)
Dirty Pretty Things @ Great Scott (8/13)
Ratatat @ Middle East (9/6)
Band of Horses @ Paradise (9/8)
Flaming Lips @ BoA Pavilion (???)
Distress Surprise Excitement
Bummed Creepy Satisfaction
1. Florence ADMAX (CO)
The nation’s worst people live in Colorado – in this prison, that is. The security’s so tight, they won’t even let food in. The inmates have to eat each other. It’s bad.
2. Canaan (PA)
The biblical name could not be more appropriate. This sin-filled Babel has housed more sodomies than all other facilities in the nation combined.
3. Lompoc (CA)
This is where most bikers go. If you enjoy meth, like to kill, and own a hog, you’ll probably end up here.
4. Big Sandy (KY)
Don’t let the name fool you – this is no beach. In fact, this place houses sea-faring offenders like the guy who killed his entire submarine crew and ate them. He crashed onto a beach, though.
5. Atlanta (GA)
The Dirty South’s dirtiest. When people call Atlanta a prison, this may actually be what they’re talking about. This is where Jermaine Dupri recruits rappers.
Stuttgart – With a low, curving free kick that snuck past the inside post, David Beckham lifted England over its toughest opponent ever, Ecuador. “As I ran up to kick the ball, I imagined myself dancing to the Spice Girls’ song, ‘Wannabe’, which allowed me to shake my hips properly to launch a proper bender,” said England’s boy toy captain.
A galactic duel between old friends
Hanover – Tomorrow, France and Spain will take to the skies to continue a centuries-old war of supremacy. The French plan to deploy dozens of satellites equipped with deathlasers, along with a fleet of light spacecraft and spacemines. Spain will counter with battalions of modified Russian space shuttles, armed with nuclear warheads and zero-gravity missiles. Get your telescopes ready.
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David Hasselhoff German World Cup Leisure Correspondent |
| You know, I’m glad we’ve made it to the elimination rounds. Now that more than half the teams have left, the lines for the beer, bathrooms, and rollercoasters are so much shorter that you can actually ride till ya barf! |
My wordless review:
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Yes, I made this. (and all of these)
