I’m the only one in the office today. I think my boredom just hit maximum and it’s only 10. I shouldn’t have done all my work so fast. This is going to be the longest Friday since sitting through Next Friday.

Chad breaks ties with Sudan after assault

Late Thursday night, behind the Cloud Nine Gentleman’s Club, Sudan and Chad got into an argument over whether Sudan had been sleeping with Chad’s girlfriend. The two got into a scuffle, and Sudan allegedly punched Chad in the face with brass knuckles repeatedly. Chad announced today that the two “ain’t friends no more”.

Moron reporter discovers leetspeak, warns parents

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Colo. woman drives into military base, almost to hangars

I’m not sure which is worse: the insane women in Colorado, or the incompetent military folks. Either way, they’ll probably be deeply involved in killing us all.

Defense Dept. developed urban assault skateboard

If Allstonians got a hold of this, the whole neighborhood would turn into a bombed-out war zone. Oh, wait…