Ah, perhaps this will ruin whatever Hall of Fame cred he had left.

Barry Bonds’ steroid use is detailed in a new book, an excerpt of which will appear in SI. Cattle hormones, C.R.E.A.M., and God knows what else went into this man’s butt over the last few years. Let the asterisks begin…
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Over the years, as one of the biggest Kirby Puckett fans in the world, I managed to collect some of the late Mr. Puckett’s personal items. So I can move on from his death, I have decided to sell some of them. Here is what I am currently offering for sale. Please e-mail your offers.

Size XXXL girdle

This was Kirby’s lucky girdle throughout the 1987 championship season. He wore it for 172 games total, including the playoffs, and at one point, said he’d like to be buried in it. It’s made of silk and has diamonds studding the zippers. He was extremely proud of this item. Priceless to any Kirby Puckett fan.

Coors Light bikini neon sign

This was in Kirby’s basement for many years, and he said it reminded him of the beach. Kirby was a huge Coors Light fan. He had a giant mural of people drinking Coors Light while performing a satanic ritual painted on his basement wall. It’s still there, as far as I know.

Hall of Fame afro wig

This was it. The one he wore to Cooperstown. Kirby will always be remembered as one of the nicest guys in the game, and his induction ceremony is one people will surely never forget. Kirby got up and told some of the funniest jokes in baseball history, including one about how Kennesaw Mountain Landis fornicated a goat. So classic. Hysterical. Genius.

Brass spittoon

After the ‘93 season, this was never emptied. It still contains all of the chaw that Kirby spit into it over the course of the season. Because it’s still full, it’s pretty heavy, so shipping may be expensive.

Personally, I don’t see what LCD Soundsystem has to do with Hot Chip, but it makes for good hype. Either way, Hot Chip’s chill-housepop album The Warning is worth a gander. Led by the single, “Over and Over”, The Warning feels like Craig David hanging with the Beta Band. Cheeky, tumbling lyrics chat with digibounce at some well-lit, pasty-skinned, basement party and end up making out on some stylish couch. Groovy.

Yanni arrested in alleged domestic dispute

After he forced his “girlfriend” onto the bed and held her down to prove that he’s not gay, she kicked him in the groin and continued to laugh hysterically until police arrived.

Kirby Puckett, 45, dies of stroke

Apparently, Puck put on about 3000 lbs. in his retirement.

Superman’s widow, 44, dies of cancer

The Curse of Superman lives on. Hackman’s next.

Pedro blows out tire on Florida Turnpike

“Fortunately, his customized rims with the No. 45 in the middle weren’t damaged, but he’s now stuck taking his white H2 Hummer to work.” Hootey hoo.

Hood College elects lesbian as homecoming king

Yo, I’m all for lesbian rights and all that, trust me, but this is ridiculous. I demand that tennis and golf be made unisex sports, and then we’ll see how many lesbian homecoming kings we have. By the way, this has been done before by far uglier chicks. Buzzkill.