There’s roughly 90 pics in this post. Bandwidth goin’ down the toilet.

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Speedskating: American Cheek wins 500m in style

Torino - Looks like we have our first great name of this year’s Olympics. Other recent great names include David Takkenbatginer (HUN ‘98), Long Bong (CHN ‘94), and Spüge Fünkkispünk (FIN ‘02). Here’s to hoping more athletes with ridiculous names compete this year as we get deeper into the games.

Brazilian luger realizes he’s never luged before

Cesana Pariol - After crashing over 30 times on his way down the luge track, Brazilian luger Armando Belinho told the media that he would never go near ice again, and vows to make sure no Brazilian ever competes in the Winter Olympics again. “I can’t believe no one warned me how hard this would be. The feeling in my legs keeps coming and going,” he said.

	Big Pussy Italian Olympic Leisure Correspondent
	Sorry that it took so long for my first report. I was in a stupor the last few days. I went out with Bode Miller on opening night, and just now woke up. After Bode ordered me a “Miller” at the bar (later I found out it’s not the beer), I went downhill faster than he did. Pretty sure it contains snake venom.

Skied @ Alta, Brighton, and Deer Valley. They earn an A-, C-, and B+, respectively. Already want to go back.

Saw the Mormon Tabernacle Choir perform. Mormons are crazy. “Moroni”? Oh, man, you gotta be kidding.

Walked around on the Spiral Jetty. It’s in a strange, bare, and beautiful area around the Salt Like. Highly recommended. Even get to drive by Promontory.

Gambled in Wendover. Only a few casinos and even fewer strip clubs. FYI, Utahoaniteian strippers have to wear pasties and thongs. Not cool.

Became a “member” of some bar in downtown SLC. Membership-to-bars concept freaks me out.

Went snowmobiling near Bear River Lodge. Went over 100 miles, topping over 65 mph at times. Ramped all kinds of crap. I even flipped mine. Booyah.

Saw the lit-up Olympic Cauldron on the day of Turino’s opening ceremonies.

Watched the Superbowl. Meh.

Had my 1st class, non-stop Sat. flight cancelled, rebooked for Sunday, which was cancelled, then rebooked as coach through at Atlanta travelling from 1145pm to 9am Tues. morning, then rebooked back again as 1st class, non-stop on Monday. Insane, but we all made it home.

Whenever I get all the pictures sorted out, I’ll make a massive picture post. I took over 100, and there are about 200 more on another camera. It’s ridiculous.

Saddam’s hunger strike threat retracted

After being promised that Baghdad’s minor league baseball team would not be moved to Albuquerque, Saddam whipped out a blueberry pie and devoured it in front of the court.

Cheney breaks new hunting law

For failure to pay a $7 fee. Impeach them all!

Related: Official Dick Cheney shooting police report

Also: Hunter shot by Cheney has heart attack

Details of Federal Agent’s Mall Exposure Sex Case

That mall is usually pretty cool. That’s where I got my leather jacket. That guy better have not touched said jacket in any way before I got it. Grr…

Student falls, dies at party; friends put him on couch

I have a feeling this is gonna happen to Robbie soon.