Does Cleveland Police Logo Contain Image of Pig?

Yes, but not only because Cleveland cops are dirty, stinking animals, but also to honor the well-known smell that envelopes the city on a daily basis. The Cleveland area is home to approximately 70% of America’s pig farms, and the atmospheric conditions in the metro area are constantly choked with airborne waste and fumes.

Sudan man forced to ‘marry’ goat

In case you were wondering, it’ll cost you about $50 to take a goat as a wife in the Sudan.

Man Finds Hundreds Of Buddhas In American River

This dude Herman Henry is crazy.

New Taser Shotgun ‘Will Truly Cause Incapacitation’

I ordered fifty of ‘em. Come pick them up at my place any time after 5. We gotta hit the streets tonight, y’all.

Figure skaters have the best legs of any sport

I saw a handful of the figure skaters last night, and just about every last one of them had a nice set of gams.

It almost made the competition worth watching. Almost. There are some Sasha Cohen pictures around such as this one that make my head spin. If figure skating didn’t suck so much, I’d have a new favorite sport.

Freestyle skier overshoots landing, lands on hot dog vendor

Over 200 hot dogs were turned into dog food after an Austrian freestyler, hopped up on steroids, sailed way over the designated landing spot, and into the concession area. Details to come.

	Big Pussy Italian Olympic Leisure Correspondent
	I got to meet Sasha Cohen last night while she was warming up. I told her if there’s anything I can do to help her win to let me know. I’ve never strangled a figure skater before, but I imagine it feels pretty nice.

Typo leads meth addicts to phone sex line

Is it just me or are phone sex vendors the most clever, savvy people in the world? Seems like they always have a sex chat line one number off from a helpline. This is about the 240,623th story exactly like this in the last year.

Grandmother: Nigerians ‘planted drug in my gnomes’

Sure, blame the Nigerians for your gnome’s coke habit.

Nuggets’ Ruben Patterson must register as sex offender

Another class act in the Nuggets organization. Patterson follows other such players with convictions as Robert Pack (arson), Kenyon Martin (Class XII pedophilia), and Dikembe Mutombo (1st degree armed robbery).

Man-made prostate created by women

I think I’ll just hang on to my original prostate, thanks.

… and you get this:

Myasthenia gravis – Relevancy: 2.7%
Eye – Relevancy: 2.3%
Effects of alcohol on the body – Relevancy: 2.1%
Methamphetamine – Relevancy: 1.7%

Vetty interestink. I approve.

See: Wikipedia search for “Synaptic Blur”

So 1990 has come and gone, but the lambada still remains. Sort of. It remains mostly in the tens of VHS copies that were made of the movie Lambada, in the souls of drunk Brazilians, and in Czech airplanes. The forbidden dance has been forbidden by most people who endured it, but it still breathes, if not by a tube.

Some would call the lambada the greatest fad of the ’90s, but let’s not forget that damn Dancing Baby.

Anyway, through the links below, you can learn all about the lambada, learn the lambada, and ultimately, learn why the lambada faded away so quickly. Hint: your groin.

Lambada with Berg Dias
Lambada: the movie (w/ Jennifer Lopez)
Lambada-related events in Australia
Lambada airplanes

You heard it here first: it’s better than Anna’s Taqueria. Anna’s uses flimsy corn tortillas, flaky chicken, dried-out beans, sketchy rice and bland salsa. Mambo Grill has actual flour in their tortillas, juicy chicken, plump beans, moist rice and some ridiculous salsa. In fact, their hottest sauce nearly killed me.

The problem with Mambo is that they have an order counter and plastic tableware, but the food’s too good. It takes a little longer to fix than Anna’s cause there usually aren’t 50 dudes working the same shift, so it feels more like sit-down place than an order/pick-up joint.

All-in-all, pretty bueno. Decent portions + beer for sale. And the chick behind the counter’s kinda hot.

Web: Mambo.lowell.ma

Last night in Lowell, I witnessed the finals of the N.E. Golden Gloves tourney. There were seven fights total, and this is how they sort of went:

115 lbs: It’s hard to believe guys can be halfway strong and still weigh 115 lbs. Only unanimous of the night. Good

125 lbs: A real snoozer. Don’t really remember what happened. Could have been kangaroo kickboxing. Zzz….

Foxyboxing: The fight of the night. Some latina chick beat the living crap out of some italian gal who could’ve actually been a dude. Cringes, cheers, and laughter overflowed. Excellente’

135 lbs: Know the phrase “strength and honor” from Gladiator? That definitely did not apply here. Low blows, headbutts, forearm shivers, the works. Dirty

145 lbs: Two guys have never been more afraid of each other. I don’t think a single punch was landed in four rounds. Craptastic

152 lbs: Demetrius Andrade, the nation’s #1, looked more like the nation’s #100 in a bout he should’ve easily won. It came down to a decision, but D-rade came out on top. Alright

Super Heavyweight: “Nasty” Nate James took his 350+lb. frame into the ring against some scrub half his size. Nasty clobbered the dude onto the canvas a couple times, and almost threw him completely through the ropes. Fun

Four-year-old wins curling gold medal

A young darkhorse from Romania captured gold in the individual curling event yesterday, nearly setting a points record in the process. According to Romanian coaches, the boy has been practicing the sport since he was 2, an age when most Romanian boys go to work.

“This may discredit the entire sport. Well, destroy whatever credit it may have had. You know what? Nevermind.”, said International Curling Assoc. president Robert Smalls.

	Big Pussy Italian Olympic Leisure Correspondent
	I walked into the Albanian training area and found a few guys watching The Sopranos. I didn’t know they had the show over here, so I asked them how they’re able to watch. When they said it’s a bootleg DVD, I shot their TV and pistol-whipped a few of them. Today’s lesson: Don’t steal from BP.

Kid Rock sues to stop sale of sex tape with Scott Stapp

“Gooooolden streeeams…”

I think this is a firm indication that celebrity sex tapes have jumped the shark. Also, Scott Stapp truly has to be the winner of the “Guy Who Won’t Go Away” award.

Malden, MA city hall has 5-star gay bathroom

As to be expected. Newton, on the other hand, has some top-shelf ladies stripping in all bathrooms every day from 11am to 5pm. So don’t bother me in the afternoon.

Storm drops dark brown snow in Colorado

I don’t want to say that God’s crapping on the state, but how else is He going to get the point across that Jake Plummer sucks?

Pedro’s still got a bum foot

Glad we didn’t sign him to a four-year deal. All because of his “violent hip rotation”. Hm, actually, our new band name should be Violent Hip Rotation.

Teen arrested after MySpace.com posting

“Angel o’ death on wings o’ lead” will soon be “Praying for death behind bars of steel”.