Mariah overtakes 50 Cent in best-selling album race
Music’s most-famous ho really had a good year in 2005. She may have the #1 album, she performed at numerous awards shows, she didn’t have a nervous breakdown, and she was allowed to adopt over 400 cats from the Phillippines. On second thought, nevermind about the nervous breakdown.
Sox in hunt for Tejada; Ramirez, Clement involved
In other news, an army of walruses has captured the Finnish capital, Helsinki.
Colorado man dies in wood chipper accident
Police say Korean whiskey was involved. Btw, has anyone heard from Ben lately?
Experts say Gen Y will need serious direction in the workplace
Not since Generation E (c. 1825-1845) have America’s youth been so coddled. The baby boomers of the Revolutionary War notoriously overparented, causing their children to start the Civil War. Is history repeating?
Police: Meat Bandit Nabbed in Golf Cart
Old & busted: “butt pirate” - New hotness: “meat bandit”
Man robbed after he bought suspects beer
That’s pretty low. Those guys’ beer karma is in the crapper. They’ll probably all drink an AIDS-tainted 12-pack of Crapweiser and die.
