Red Sox get Beckett, Lowell in trade

Muahahaha! We just landed the latest, greatest Yankee killer. Beckett, who’s my age, earned himself the 2003 World Series MVP by giving up 2 ER over 16+ IP, including a CG SHO in Game 6. We also scored Mike Lowell’s insane contract, his 2005 Gold Glove, and a perfect replacement for Mueller. All we had to give up was Hanley Ramirez, who will either be the next A-Rod or the next Carlos Guillen, and a guy named Anibal Sanchez. Ah, so close to being Unibal Sanchez.

Note: he isn’t related to the Beckett Baseball Card Guide

Robber Holds Up Bar With Ham Sandwich

Mmmm, gun-shaped ham.

Merkel becomes Germany’s first woman chancellor

I’d rather be known as the “Cancellor”, and just go around cancelling things.

Gary Glitter may face firing squad over child-sex charges

Suddenly, this is turning into one of the best long-running news stories of the last 15 years. It was definitely all fun and games for us back when homeboy was busted for kiddie porn. And now, with allegations of the former glam rocker doing the dirty a 12-year-old girl in Vietnam, and him possibly being shot for it, this transcends the tabloids.