Monthly Archives: October 2005
Ashlee Simpson gets SNL do-over
Who cares? It’s not like we want to see her succeed.
I would really like to see her screw her lip-synching up again. That would be the best moment in music history.
Related: Ashlee on SNL / Booed @ Orange Bowl
Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey split
I think we all saw this coming after the first episode of their MTV show when Nick punched her in the face.
Univ. of Iowa gets pranked hard
Someone burned “Iowa Sucks” into their football field by using a herbicide. It took a while for anyone to notice, because it took a while for the grass to die. I have nothing but props and admiration for the pranksters, and I feel many more similar pranks should occur.
Cleaning Fridge Is Most-Hated Post-Katrina Task
Scrubbing corpses, sewage, and rotten food out of a fridge is sign that you should just buy a new fridge. Anyone who’s ever stuffed a cat into a mini-fridge knows this.
Conan O’Brien Devotes Entire Show to U2
The American wing of the defunct IRA is currently taking over the entertainment industry. In unrelated news, Colin Quinn got a paint can stuck on his head.
Canadian lottery winner blows fortune, kills self after 2 years
Kind of a funny story, actually.
Hot lady-soldier wins Purple Heart
Definitely the hottest Purple Heart winner ever. If Catherine Zeta-Jones wins one, though, it’s a whole different ballgame.
DeLay Indicted On New Money Laundering Charges
I always knew there was something royally sheisty about Tom DeLay, but this is getting ridiculous. Texas seems to be a hotbed of massive corruption and fraud, but we all knew that going into the 2004 election, right? Right? Ugh.
And, please, everyone shut up about Geena Davis.
This is by far the best solution to quitting smoking I’ve ever heard of. Instead of everybody walking around nervously puffing cigarettes, everyone will be walking around nervously drinking this beer in cups. This should make the world a whole lot funnier to itself.
Police mace Chiefs coach before loss to Eagles
After getting destroyed by McNabb & T.O., all of the Chiefs’ coaches should be maced. They almost looked as bad as the Pats’ D on Sunday. Guess why the Pats run-stop D sucks so bad. Yep, because Monty Beisel is filling the middle, who used to play on the vomit-inducing Chiefs D. We really need TJ (Ted Johnson – or Tom Jackson, for that matter) to come out of retirement and Bruschi to come back.
Johnny Damon celebrates with Astros hat on
Why was there even an Astros hat in the clubhouse? Stupid? Yes. Idiotic? Yes.
