This year, Little League baseball in America saw some of the most majestic home runs, inspired pitching, and tough-as-nails defense it ever has. Unfortunately, for every highlight, there is a lowlight. Here are the finalists competing to be the lowest of lowlights, the 2005 Worst Little Leaguer of the Year:

Candidate #1
Name: Ben Waters
Age: 12
Town: Highland Park, Illinois
Reason: Struck out 193 times in 2005, setting a Little League record. Reportedly didn’t even foul a single ball off. His pediatrician suspects a horrific tumor, even though repeated tests have shown no ailment.

Candidate #2
Name: Eduardo Rivera
Age: 8
Town: Houston, Texas
Reason: Has never successfully touched a base. Every time he gets a hit, he runs clear past first base and slides in the dirt somewhere around shortstop. Just doesn’t get it at all.

Candidate #3
Name: Wade Davis
Age: 10
Town: Ocala, Florida
Reason: Had an ERA of 867.20 in 2005. Threw 297 wild pitches and hit 109 batters. The local sheriff is considering arresting him on juvenile assault & battery charges. Wade’s parents are considering surgery to remove his rotator cuff.

Civil Rights Icon Rosa Parks Dies

I guess it’s good to know that going through the enormous stress of playing a major role in a civil rights movement won’t take years off your life. She lived 92 long years in Montgomery, Alabama and Detroit, easily making her the most-durable human to ever live.

Iraq adopts a constitution; Death toll nears 2,000

Mission accomp… oh wait. We’re still there. Is there a death toll cut-off point at which Americans will start revolting in the streets? How many would it take? It’s probably somewhere between 2,001 and 1,000,000.

White Sox fan bigg-slaps Craig Biggio’s wife during Game 2

Can’t help but laugh at this. Guillen keeps it real, though.

Man Gets Jail Time For Impersonating Ben Roethlisberger

I imagine it went a lot like this: “I’m a big fat jerk. No one likes me. The Patriots rule my universe. I went to Miami of Ohio. I have a stupid blog.”

Man avoids jail time for peeping at girl from underneath outhouse

You know you don’t get out much when you climb into a waste-filled toilet to check out teenage girls using the bathroom. It would’ve been great if he got stuck.