First Live Giant Squid Photographed
Scientists have confirmed that it did, indeed take “way too freaking long” to get a stinking picture of a giant squid. “We’ve landed on the moon and cured Golden Ape Disease, ferchrisakes. Why was it so hard to snap a pic of one of these things?”, researcher Ted Spellman asked.
Scientists plan on spending the next 20 years trying to get actual video of a giant squid, so that thousands of years from now, we may actually know something about them.
World Toilet Summit held in Ireland
SPEAKER: Archeological evidence indicates that Ireland was a much different place before the discovery of alcohol. Most experts believe it was something like this.
[Flying cars whizzing]
Irishman: Today we, Ireland’s top scientists, have found a way to convert our entire population to pure energy!
Irishman 2: It’s a glorious day.
Irishman 3: Michael McCloud’s just invented a new kind of beverage in his basement. Whiskey.
[Rowdy drunken yelling]
Defendant agreed he was a pimp, witness says
Section 24B, Code L, Rule 37 of the Pimp Code: Never deny your own or any other’s pimphood. It’s bad enough to lie under oath, but to violate the Pimp Code? That’s just suicide.
Protein Gives Bald Mice Luxurious Locks
Did you know that every day, the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute kills roughly 140,000 mice? Yep, most of them are babies!
soon i will be able to get rich off of donating sperm to companies that make hair care products for mice.
finally the work Ben has been doing at Dana Farber is paying off. I guess that we all owe him an apology for telling him that jerking off onto mice has no scientific purpose.
Comment by RiceMaster4000 — September 28, 2005 @ 2:43 pm
Yeah, he’s still pissed that you said that. The other night, I think I heard sobbing from his room and then “I love my mice!!” over and over
Comment by chris — September 28, 2005 @ 2:45 pm
In my defense I must note the following:
1. Dana Farber does Cancer research. Unless he felt that his semen could cure cancer, he was hardly doing cancer research…
2. No one authorized, sanctioned, funded or even knew of his “experiments”.
3. He was wearing a leather mask when conducting his “research”.
4. he really did “love his mice”
Comment by RiceMaster4000 — September 28, 2005 @ 3:02 pm
I agree. He was playing God there. He certainly changed those mice mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Comment by chris — September 28, 2005 @ 3:09 pm
I have always heard that if you put 1,000 monkeys in front of typewriters, one of them would write shakespeare.. but who would have guess that if you put 10,000 mice in Ben’s sperm one of them would get pregnant?
it is an even greater shame that he used 10 million mice.
Comment by RiceMaster4000 — September 28, 2005 @ 3:16 pm
Dude, he’s got boxes of mice sitting in his room. I don’t know if he’s already done something to them, or just planning on it, but they’re always screaming
Comment by chris — September 28, 2005 @ 3:20 pm
Yeah, what is even more disgusting is his strategy for feeding them when he is away on the weekends… let no one be fooled, those are NOT coconut flavored popsicles in your freezer…
Comment by RiceMaster4000 — September 28, 2005 @ 3:34 pm
holy crap, JR ganked like a half dozen of those things. Every time he took a bite, he was like “mmmm, now that’s some fine gin”
Comment by chris — September 28, 2005 @ 3:40 pm
A Gin Snobbery joke FTW!
well done old sport, well done…
Comment by RiceMaster4000 — September 28, 2005 @ 3:43 pm