| Let’s face it, we love it when divers smash their heads on diving boards. It’s the only thing that makes diving exciting.
Frankly, it’s the only reason we care (?) about Greg Louganis. (Brian and Peter driving their car and doing jumps like in the Dukes of Hazzard) Peter: Freakin sweet! Next time we’ll have Chris be Anus and Meg can be Boss Hog Brian: Enos. Peter: What did I say? Brian: Anus. Peter: eheheahhehehheahhahehaehhhaheha Today, we were blessed with a classic grill-smashing dive, courtesy of American 17-year-old Chelsea Davis at the World Swimming Championships in Montreal. Judges from South Africa, Austria, and India gave the face-buster perfect scores of 10.0, while other judges gave near-perfect scores, with the Japanese judge giving the lowest score, an impressive 9.8. Afterwards, the Finnish judge commented, “It was beautiful, she pretty much hit the entire top half of her face on the board, causing a thunderous ‘BOOM!’ that I won’t forget. It took us nearly 15 minutes to stop laughing. After we realized she wasn’t dead or anything, ya know.” |
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July 22, 2005
Chelsea Davis Gets Some Face Time 
Friday
Crazy lady jumps with baby from 24th floor in downtown Boston, both die horribly
It would be a lot better if people made that bomb-dropping whistle sound when they jumped off of buildings. Anyway, everyone’s pretty freaked out about it.
She left two suicide notes, one back upstairs, and one on their flattened bodies, saying she hoped for forgiveness.
God may be able to forgive her infanticide/suicide, but the city clean-up crew who had to get their gear & spatulas back out at quitting time? Forget it.
Mr. Joy arrested for selling dried bread as crack
In my opinion, people buying fake drugs is one of comedy’s hidden gems. Fake marijuana, fake crack, fake opium, even fake mushrooms. To think people get duped by wax, bread crumbs, rubber, and shiitakes on a daily basis amuses me to no end. I wonder how many millions of dollars are lost each year to dealers selling fake drugs.
Florida police search for naked tickler
Tickling strangers has to be one of the most awkward, disturbing activities one could perform. Imagine if someone that you didn’t know walked up to you right now and tickled you. Arrgghhh
Last of Comanche ‘Code Talkers’ Dies in Tulsa
These guys were way cooler than Audie Murphy. What the hell kind of name is Audie?
