China to send pig sperm to space
In an effort to combat alien impregnations on Earth, China will launch a batch of piggy love sauce into outer space, in hopes of sending a clear message of “see how it feels? stop it.” to the interplanetary rapists.
Also, a team of 1,500+ men with metal probes will be sent up in the tightly-crammed rocket in an attempt to avenge the millions of sexual probings conducted each year on humans by visitors from other worlds.
Colin Farrell Sues Woman Over Sex Tape
If she leaks it out to anyone, I’m going to sue her, too. In fact, here’s the petition against it. Sign it today!
In the near future, iPod users will be able to download and watch music videos.
Instead of something useful like, say, a video iPod that could receive satellite tv feeds, Apple will create another tool’s tool capable of playing high-quality B2K and JoJo videos anywhere in the world. You’ll be able to take Bono’s flaring nostrils with you where ever you go.
Man Has Nose Bitten Off In Fight Over Bruce Willis Film
Mister Falcon’s beak was chewed right off after he declared “‘Look Who’s Talking’ is not only the greatest Bruce Willis movie, but the greatest movie of the 20th century!” Since complimenting Bruce Willis is considered rude and offensive in Australia, the other gentleman proceeded to rip the man’s schnozz off as onlookers applauded.
Related: Bart vs. Australia
