Friday

July Is/Was American Beer Month

American gold This is good to know. With TWO DAYS LEFT in the month. Ugh. Thanks a lot, Louisville Channel. Apparently the good folks at the station have been suds-blasted for the last 4 weeks, and have just now gotten around to informing us of our common duty as citizens of this great land. What, were they afraid no beer would be around for them to drink if they told everyone?

Dah, well, we can still make the best of this weekend. Report back on Monday with the number of gallons of beer that you drink over the next three days.

More info: AmericanBeerMonth.com

Coke develops Enviga, a calorie-burning tea

Industry experts estimate that the drink, and others like it, will result in America becoming 5,205% lazier over the next three years, which will firmly put the U.S. ahead of Albania into 3rd place of the “World’s Laziest Nations” list.

Australia bans ‘Grand Theft Auto’

Ever since word of the hidden sex scene leaked to the press, everyone from Hillary Clinton to grandmas to the FTC have thrown insane fits about GTA.

Kentuckians celebrate Whacking Day, but with guns

Kentuckians know how to have fun. There is definitely nothing better than shooting hundreds of rounds of ammo at snakes.

LCD television prices set to drop

Get an LCD, get a sound system, and you can watch the Super Bowl this year at your own house. Big screens, LCDs, and HDTVs will end the American Super Bowl party as we know it.

Stray Nigerian cows face arrest

As the saying goes: “Only In Nigeria.”

IRA to disarm

woo hoo! This is momentous, folks. Iffin’ ye give a hoot about Ireland/UK and all that, anyway. When they strike a massive deal with the British government for coolin’ out, it’ll be the proverbial pot o’ gold at the end of the rainbow. Too bad only a select few people will get paid for not being terrorists.

Whatever, none of it really makes any sense. And neither does this

Japanese develop ridiculously-real-looking android

And you thought the killer robots would look like the ones in I-Robot. Nope, they’re going to look exactly like you and me. Which is why the robot revolution will be so destructive. It’ll pretty much go on till one person or robot is left. Strangely enough, Osama bin Laden will be one of the first ones killed by our robotic foes.

Mel Gibson’s new movie: Apocalypto

Mel G. seems to be bent on selling fake history. First, Braveheart, then that Jeebus movie, then this junk. And don’t get me started on that stupid alien crappy ending of Signs. Heh, actually, that’s the most realistic movie of all of those.

Blind kid can whoop you in video games

Yeah, but it’s Mortal Kombat. Who’s played that in the last 10 years but him?