Celtics Get Green-er, rest of Draft coverage

In a generally boring draft, there were some surprises that made listening to the ESPN buffoons nearly worthwhile. After the top 3 went in predictable order, the #7 spot was strangely filled by Charlie freaking Villanueva, the hairless crappy guy from UConn, who I didn’t even think was in the draft.

The Celts did nicely by snagging high school phenom Gerald Green and Providence pimp Ryan Gomes, and they will most likely sign the New Larry Bird, Taylor Coppenrath, as a free agent soon.

Do any of Stu Scott’s eyes actually work anymore?

Putin Ganks Kraft’s Super Bowl Ring

How do you skip the nine-month-long season, gruelling practices, and climactic playoffs and get a ring? Get voted as Russian president, and just steal Bob Kraft’s.

Putin, the obvious 2nd-biggest idiot in the world, ruined a nice visit from rich Americans by ganking Bobby K’s SuperRing, a move that will surely result in Russia’s complete destruction. Witnesses reportedly heard Putin snicker and mutter “yoink!” as he asked to “borrow” the ring.

Beer Truck Overturns, Closes Route 128

Let’s go! We don’t have much time to lose! Everyone grab a straw and be out!

Baboon Troops Invade Suburbs

It’s only a matter of time before they control Singapore, the gateway to Bangkok, and once they control Bangkok, they will impose their will on the hilariously-named capital, caning human citizens and entrapping them in zoos until the death squads can move in. At least we can still laugh at their silly bare asses while it happens.