Under mysterious circumstances, the voices for Disney characters Tigger & Piglet both died over the weekend.
There had been rumors that the voice actors were going to go public and have both Tigger and Piglet announce that they were gay on live, national television, but Disney executives were furious with the possibility. More developing…
This is definitely a candidate for 2005’s most painful death of the year. Not the groin. Not the groin. (shakes head)
Follow-up: Doctors ‘find dead fetus in boy’
In a case of intra-womb jealousy, one of two twin fetuses devoured the other. After years of carrying the fetus within him, the devouree twin finally could take his brother’s occupancy no more. The devoured twin had unleashed years of menstrual cycles and painful growth spurts on his brother from within, ultimately getting the last laugh by inflicting a more humiliating celebrity on his brother than ever heard of on this planet before.
Drug companies behind doctors’ fake diagnoses
In related news, the reporter of that article has been diagnosed with a case of crowbar to the skull.
‘Stella’ got her groove back with a gay dude
After a long, pointless marriage, “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” author Terry McMillan is getting a divorce from the man who a) is 23 years younger, b) married her just to get U.S. citizenship, and c) is extremely gay.
You go, girl.
