Tulsa in tha house, bitchez!

While spending a great deal of my youth in the comfy cow town, I got the feeling that there was enough musical talent among Gen-Xers that SOMEONE would make it big. And David Terry is the first one. His band, Aqueduct, is a subtle junction of Death Cab For Cutie and Postal Service, which makes them perfect for Barsuk Records.

As a rock three-piece equipped with organs and drum machines, Aqueduct freewheels stone-skipping rock and bubble-wrapped synth beats with a fresh lack of seriousness. Terry’s voice conjures an immature, but lovable version of Grandaddy’s Jason Lytle. It felt like a high school talent show that happened to include a genius. Not many openers are this good.

When they busted out a flawless cover of R. Kelly’s “Ignition”, they dissolved a lot of the amateurity that keeps college-kid funrock bands trapped in time. One of the best live covers I’ve ever heard. It brought out cunning levels of ambition and architecture that usually escape the genre. These guys have far more potential.

Pinback gave an electrified, but uninspiring performance.

With the looseness of shorts, hoodies, and icy guitars, Pinback aspired to a systematic chill, but struggled with preserving it because of their own unstable fervor.

The thinking man’s 311 occasionally blistered through songs, turning swooning surf ballads, “This Red Book” and “Bloods On Fire”, into rushed, get-them-over-with moments, as if they were embarassed by the songs. Half the songs were from Summer In Abbadon, the rest were older hits and some Tour EP material. The crowd reacted well to all songs, but the older, moodier songs were lost on unfamiliarity, binding their overall success.

All-in-all nicely done, but they can do better.

Lindsey Lohan Rocks a Bikini. Bleccccchhh

I want to know who’s responsible for this ridiculous crack diet. Is it Nicole Ritchie? Her agent? Lionel Ritchie?

I personally blame Jared from Subway, Al Roker, and Carnie Wilson for making people feel like they have to be skinny to be liked. It’s that type of attitude that’s turning our cute Hollywood starlets into pale, unsexy skeletons.

Stop the ritual Ethiopianism of our teen movie stars! Pledge a turkey today!

Judge Bars Photos of Jacko’s Genitals

The motion to view the photos came after two prosecutors and a defense attorney were having lunch, and got into an argument over whether or not Michael Jackson has genitals. The prosecution believes that he does, while his defense lawyer contends that Jacko has no genitalia whatsoever. They tried to settle the bet officially, but the judge, citing public decency, denied the motion, saying “No American man, woman, or child would believe these photographs.”

So. Car. Teen Accused Of Having Sex With Dog

Buggery is still alive and well in the Palmetto State. Whilst celebrating the South Carolina tradition, Buggery Day, the teenager holstered up a dog in a women’s bathroom. After a woman spotted the boy and the dog in the restroom, she called the police, who arrested the teen for trespassing. Trespassing is a serious crime in South Carolina, buggery is not.

Man Drives Rolls Royce Into Ocean While Scratching Lottery Tickets

Only in Massachusetts. In a state obsessed with lotto tickets and material wealth, this Masshole took an ironic plunge into the ocean in a Rolls Royce that he borrowed, all because he was trying to win five bucks. Sean Penn will play his role in the movie adaptation.

“Official Site of Bob Ice”