Follow up: Governor Pataki Suspends All Public Funding Of Viagra

After it was discovered that millions of New York Level-3 sex offenders were getting their dirty paws on the wonder drug, the governor has finally stepped in. Governor Pataki vowed to end all of the Viagra-fueled mayhem that has ravaged the state, costing insurance firms over $5 billion over the last few years.

“We’ve had such a problem with middle-aged men terrorizing our schoolyards and playgrounds here in New York alone that if the pill ever crossed the border to New Jersey, we’d have a national crisis on our hands,” Pataki said Wednesday.

Prep School Baseball Coach Resigns After Talkin’ ‘Bout ‘Ginas

He should’ve called Oprah and asked what was going to happen first.

Alabama Students Spread Elephant Poo At School

It’s actually a vocational class at the high school. Most public high schools in the um… Whatever State offer a credited class in Elephant Dungography, which trains students for various circus/carnival jobs.

Gangs Fingered For “Girls Still Poop Too” Graffiti

Street art ain’t what it used to be. I remember when it used to be perfectly fine to say “Girls Still Shit Too”. The censors have gone too far. Damn you, Tipper Gore.

Albanian swaps rare, 1700-lb. turtle for Used Mercedes

How cool would it be if they turned the shell into a car? Empty out the vittles and sell them to an old dirty Chinese restaurant.