What’s the secret to the Eastern Illinois University football team’s success? A 210-lb. Lucious Pusey. (#47 on the Roster)

The new “hell yeah”. “Gil hoy”.

Sasquatch Music Festival is this weekend in BFWashington State. I’d go, but I’m banned for life from the county it’s being held in.

Tonight’s in-store appearance at Newbury Comics by Gorillaz is just a lame autograph signing. If even you buy a copy of their cd, you’re not guaranteed face time with Albarn, Hewlett, or Dangermouse. Funk dat.

Related: Gorillaz collectibles (via Stereogum)

50 Worst Hairstyles of All-Time

Ridiculous work done in MS Paint aka “How to Waste 500 Hours”

Tom Cruise flips out on Oprah for petting him (via Thighs Wides Hut)

Fattest guitarist ever. “He has a butt in the front.”

Lobel files libel suit against ‘Get Fuzzy’ strip

If any of you have ever watched the sportscast on CBS4 in Boston, you’ll know the friendly face of Bob Lobel.

If you’ve ever seen his friendly face, you’d probably agree with me and the writer of ‘Get Fuzzy’ that he’s gotta be drunk. He’s worse than Dan Rather at a much more frequent pace.

Even during this year’s Patriot’s Day, the only reason I watched part of the telecast was because he was rambling like he just pounded a bottle of whiskey. Honestly, I’d be much more worried if he was completely sober this whole time.

Click here to see the offending comic strip

Man in Red Sox Jersey Beaten Outside of Wrigley Field

Ok, now I don’t feel sorry for Chicagoans any more.

NASA technology reveals texts of Trojan Wars, early gospels, and advice on how to buy a donkey

I had the feeling that when NASA announced their new scroll-reading technology, we’d find some cool stuff.

Tax records, marriage contracts, horoscopes, erotic musings, advice on how to buy a donkey and advice on how to cast a decent magic spell.

Jackpot City.

Sharapova Wins, Agassi Loses in First Round

For another two weeks, we get to enjoy the sweet sights and sounds of Sharapova matches in the Paris spring sun. Also, for another two weeks, Agassi will debate whether or not to retire, then take some more horse steroids, and show up for Wimbledon. I really don’t think Federer will win this tournament for the same reason Afleet Alex won’t win the Belmont: the Russian Mafia.

“World’s leading groin injury advice archive”