Argentina’s Great Beaver Plague Ruins Nation

The day will come when they’re going to be the only ones left here

As prophesied by Nostradamus, Argentina is being destroyed by a famine of beavers. An army of over one million ravenous beavers has torn apart billions of trees in the South American nation.

A full-scale military counter-attack is planned by several armed forces, and the nation’s top generals are rumored to be considering using nuclear weaponry. In what some have deemed the Beaver War, hundreds of human lives have been lost, and there is no sign of stopping the beavers’ advance.

Animal sex abuse on rise in Sweden

Thanks to a recent influx of American ex-patriates from Vermont, the amount of animal sex per capita has skyrocketed in Sweden. Goats, pumas, even reptiles have been put on alert for would-be attackers, saying to look out for sketchy moustaches and PBR cans.

‘Extinct’ woodpecker turns up in Arkansas

Don’t they always?

Wyoming Men Cited For Making Snow Phallus

Wyoming’s snow phallus season ended on March 31st, so when these two lads constructed an 18-foot dong in their front lawn in April, they were slapped with a criminal charge. I propose that the Wyoming snow phallus season be extended until May 1st, which would draw several million dollars more in tourist revenue anyway.

Former Bone Thug Gives Disturbing Radio Interview

Dude was straight-up TRASHED in that studio. Dashiki-clad and donkeycronk beyond belief, Bizzy began yelling “Praise God” and “Holla” repeatedly while promoting his record. Remember, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

Listen to the radio broadcast here (29 MB mp3)

Two U.S. F-18s Mysteriously Crash in Iraq

They were too high up to be shot down… so………

Couple Bathing In Own Feces Blames Health Dept.

“We are recycling our own feces, showering in it, brushing our teeth in it, for two months,” Chris DeSarle said.