Tip #1: Bust a Sag

Trying to get that classy, mature look?

Give gravity a nudge and attach 1- to 3-lb. weights to your face for only 10 hours a day. Your skin will be hanging off your skull within a matter of months, giving you that healthy, mummified glow.

Your kids will even start calling you “grandma”. Awwww.

Tip #2: Shave a stripe

A true meth classic.

The No-hawk has been a stylish secret of the meth underground for years, and it’s starting to creep its way into popular culture.

It will also aerodynamically improve your speed while crawling around the floor looking for that non-existent last crystal.

Tip #3: Get Massive Acne

Been called narcissistic?
Been told that you’re too in love with yourself?

Show friends and family that beauty isn’t just skin deep, and radically scar your face to prove your point.

For fun, try to convince them it’s contagious.

Tip #4: Bride of Frankenstein

Go on, diva, get your freak on!

Steal the show and put everyone on notice: white girls know how to party.
As a bonus, your afro can double as storage for your syringes, pipes, blades, and feces.
Watch as the cops hilariously search for hours through your hair for paraphernalia!