You may be impressed, you may be surprised, but one thing’s for sure, he’s pimped his rides.

Theo’s sweet, sweet auto collection:

‘96 Geo Tracker

Known as the “Theo-Geo”, this is his favorite vehicle. Won in a bet over women’s boxing, this gem has taken on Theo’s personal style.

‘89 Ford Mustang

To quench his need for speed, Theo takes his red-hot Mustang out on Route 2, where he claims to have reached 250mph.

‘86 Chevy Caprice

Given to him by his grandmother, this Caprice is his weekend luxury ride. Theo says that sentimental value makes this car “priceless”.

‘97 Dodge Ram Van

“I just love driving it!”, Theo exclaims. This full-size jewel makes roadtrips to Cape Cod feel like “somersaultin’ on a cloud”.

“Official site of Gil Hoy”

Bionic suit offers wearers super-strength

If I were to own the suit, I would start challenging people to 1-on-1 basketball, midget-tossing, and pie-eating contests.

The suit is also capable of retrieving beer from the fridge.

So, I’ve already ordered two of the suits, one for me, and one for my future son, who will certainly be borne soon, thanks to my sexy new abilities.

Two High Schoolers In Trouble Over “I [heart] My Vagina” Buttons

This is just further evidence that the only reason anyone cares about the Vagina Monologues is because the word “vagina” sounds so funny. In a recent study, Oxford researchers found the syllables, “vuh”, “jyne”, and “uh” among the top 10 most-enjoyable sounds in the world, and when combined, are nearly irresistable to say in comedic situations.

So not only culturally, but linguistically as well, the Vagina Monologues actually just make women and their vaginas into a joke. But that was obvious.

Just talkin’ ’bout ‘ginas.

Murderer upbeat, joking before execution

“When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock ‘n’ roll me when I’m dead.”

Who says death row inmates don’t know how to rhyme? That’s straight up beautiful.

Only 3% Kashmiris want to join Pakistan

Speaking of Pakistan, if anyone can find some info on Shaikh Sillar, a tailor located at 13-A Muhammad Haroon Road in Karachi, I’d really appreciate it.