There’s a new Pope, yo
Hundreds Flock to Image of Virgin Mary on Chicago Underpass
I have quit my job and moved to Chicago to open a hotdog stand near the image of Mary. I figure that this is the real deal and millions of people will come to see it over the course of the next few decades, making me the most successful hotdog stand owner in history.
More: Photo slideshow
‘Monday Night Football’ headed to ESPN
This means they won’t have to bleep out John Madden all the time. He’ll be free to say whatever he wants to on cable, but it’s probably not a good idea. He’ll be fired after the first game for a highly pornographic and racist commentary regarding Brett Favre.
Mesa police want to add monkey to SWAT team
Say hello to the police dog of the future. Those mangy mutts can’t do half the things monkeys can do, except for dropping crap all over the place. I have the feeling that monkeys will be man’s new best friend.
Two Banned From Fenway After Sheffield Fight
That sucks if you go to a game and toss a beer on a jackalope like Sheffield, you get banned for the rest of the year. I say, the next time the Yankees are in Fenway, everybody in the stands dumps a beer on Sheffield. They can’t kick us all out, can they?
