As far as I’m concerned, saving France’s ass in all those wars was worth it.

As M83 so blatantly illustrates, there is hardly an American that could come up with sound with such beauty and force. There is something more intelligent about their exertion: the mood never boils over and no performer overextends himself. It’s a tightrope that gluttonous Americans are rarely able to walk. It’s just not our character.

M83’s soaring, ultra-dense electrophonic sound translates nearly flawlessly from their albums into a live show with a youthful, but serious stage presence.

Decadent powerdrums stand out but never dominate the lush orchestral flow that filled every inch of the Paradise, wryly teasing the point of saturation.

Seemingly on a reconaissance mission from another galaxy to test our ability to handle both sweeping apathy and rhythmic persistence in unheard of electronic emotion, M83 expands their sound in cascading waves that flows as lightly as air but as torrential as a hurricane.

Like nothing we’ve heard or felt before.

P.S. Ulrich von Schnauss can smoove your pants off.

Meet China’s Breakdancing Grandmother

Trying to take the title as the World’s Most Ridiculous Grandmother, this breakin’ granny is rapidly gaining on the rappin’ granny. As cute as the rappin’ granny is, her last album was a disappointment, while the breakdancin’ granny has fresh moves and a fresh audience.

The rappin’ granny plans to collaborate with Snoop Dogg, Justin Timberlake, and others on her 2006 album, which should put her back on top of the popularity charts, but the breakin’ granny says she will go on tour with Christina Aguilera this summer, making for a hot competition all year long.

Airports Begin Ban On Cigarette Lighters

The Great Paranoia continues. Over three and a half years after 9/11/01, the stupid restrictions keep a-comin’. I wonder how many shoes have been removed since Dick Reid’s failed bombing, and I wonder how many shoes have been potential weapons. I’m thinking 524,602,632,234 and none. But uh, God bless America… or something.

Santa Fe man, blind in one eye, shot in other eye

Donnie Darko, 16, of Middlesex, has been arrested on first degree murder charges, and will be unable to get back into his bed to re-alter the universe. In other news, Britney Spears’ sonogram reveals an adult koala.

Parent-Of-Year Winner Pleads No Contest To Abuse

This is a close 2nd for Most Irony of the Year Award.

Drinking Too Much Water Will Kill You

I think we should write into the Patriot Act that if anyone is caught buying more than a gallon of water at any one time could be considered a terrorist. If nothing else, it will curb the idiotic soccermom culture of buying trillions of gallons of bottled freaking water from Costco every week.

How many studies explaining that bottled water is the same as tap will it take to get their attention?

“Cambridge, MA: The Birthplace of Porn”