Britney’s Near-Miscarriage in Graphic Detail

I checked and there are currently no eBay listings for Britney’s bloody clothes, so I’m going to sell some fake ones myself before someone else does. If anyone wishes to donate chick’s clothes and some blood to the cause, please e-mail me. I don’t have any of either to spare at the moment, so I’m asking for your help.

All proceeds will go to buying an in-womb iPod for Fetus.

Only in Florida: Mom Traded Daughter For Car, Prostituted Another

Nothing says “I love you” like trading your daughter for a used Mercury Cougar.

Local dealers say that if she knew how to read, she could’ve fetched a trade for a late-model Volkswagen Vanagon. My parents always tell me the story of when some guy offered a brand-new BMW for me. I rule.

Only in Ohio: Disabled girl punched, forced to perform oral sex at school while dozens watch

This reminds me a little bit of the Norwegian(?) movie, Bloody Angels. Some punks do stuff to a Down’s Syndrome gal and videotape it, but basically the entire little town turns a blind eye while some big city Oslo investigator tries to solve it all. It’s good in that it’s-only-cool-because-it’s-foreign kind of way.

Vt. Teen Accused of Stealing Corpse’s Head

“Court documents said the suspect allegedly talked of using the man’s head as a bong or a pipe for smoking marijuana.”

W…………….. T…………… F…………?

France Honors Actor Bruce Willis

After last night’s M83 show, I was singing the praises of our froggy friends, but this is an outrage.