Yanks open season with win over beloved Sox

Yaaawn. Last night’s game was so freaking boring. It was cold, it was in New York, it was the Yankees. No one cared.

Fatty McWells was trying about 70%, Manny wasn’t trying at all, and Johnny Dizzle was definitely high on something.

One down, 161 to go.

Pope’s Funeral at Vatican Friday

They expect about 2 million peeps to be in Rome for La Popa’s funerali, which would make it one of the most highly-attended funerals in Italy since Liberace’s death.

Throughout his life, Pope John Paul II was often compared to the fancy Italian pianist, as PJP2′s flamboyant, musical personality often shown through in his processions. The Pope’s favorite piano tune to play during Mass was the Italian classic, “Tutti Frutti” by Little Richard.

Study: 9th-graders see oral sex as no big deal

Who pays for these surveys anyway? I don’t think any legitimate research organizations actually fund these things, some pervert just shows up at schools and asks pre-teen girls these sketchy questions, telling them he’s from “some big university.”

100 Cops Respond to Huge Amusement Park Fight

T-Town wreck, son! If there’s any amusement park that’s likely to have a massive crack-fueled brawl, it’s Bell’s. I personally have millions of good memories of the place, but definitely nothing this cool.