Pope John Paul II given last rites
That means he’s about to die…
Boy Scout Official Pleads Guilty To Unsurprising Kiddie Porn Charges
Confirming everything that Alec Baldwin taught us about Boy Scouts, a high-ranking official has been completely busted for a ton of good ol’ kiddie porn.
I hope this causes the organization to come forward with other kiddie pornaholics, much like how the Catholics have been doing lately. Screw steroids, this is the witch-hunt we should be focused on.
Kenosha police shoot, kill naked man
That’s just the tip of the iceberg. The entire story involves drugs, shampoo, naked kids, and choking naked kids. Just another day in Kenosha.
Man Stuffs Feces In Mouth To Beat Breathalyzer
After he vomited, urinated, and defecated all over the cop car, he was faced with a difficult decision: Which substance should he use to cover his boozebreath?
He played paper, rock, scissors with himself and lost, then crammed as much big feces as he could stand into his mouth. Ah, it almost worked.
God Instructs Man to Juggle For Schiavo
Sadly, this is the most relevant news out of this whole saga.
Update: She’s dead, y’all
Just a warning: When that happens here in Reno, we don’t bother to wash off the breathalyzer. We just assume that eventually it will get clean because the people we test generally have A LOT of alcohol in their breath. And alcohol, as everyone knows, is a natural disinfectant.
Comment by Lt. Dangle — March 31, 2005 @ 12:03 pm
He must have been drinking Michelob Light.
From what I’ve heard, it makes you want to stuff shit in your mouth.
Comment by chris — March 31, 2005 @ 12:09 pm
“It makes you want to stuff shit in your mouth” was actually one of the slogans that Michelob considered for their light beer. Others that didn’t make the cut included, “Because you don’t have much to live for anyway,” “14 of these will make it much easier to confront your wife about her affair with your brother” and “There’s always next years NCAA bracket, Jonah.”
Comment by Earl Boykins...he's better than bad, he's good. — March 31, 2005 @ 9:37 pm