Some idiot makes a great case for Atlantis in Bolivia

Super Goat Weed with Maca. For all of your sexual needs. “Both ingredients are designed to provide you and your mate with a memorable night of romance.”

Wind of Changes - for recovering devotees of the Gentle Wind Project. I have no idea what the hell any of that means.
Check out some of their sweet, sweet products.

Double Dragon up in your grill, son.

Get a tattoo by Hoss, such as deer scene, a wuzzle, or the classic panther, snake, and rose. Collect them all!

Cheap drinks in Allston. I’ve already memorized this.

Jose Canseco and Bronson Pinchot will star in the Surreal Life: Season 5. Sorry, Jack, Balki’s back.

“Official site of Terry Schiavo’s funeral”

Pope John Paul II given last rites

That means he’s about to die…

Boy Scout Official Pleads Guilty To Unsurprising Kiddie Porn Charges

Confirming everything that Alec Baldwin taught us about Boy Scouts, a high-ranking official has been completely busted for a ton of good ol’ kiddie porn.

I hope this causes the organization to come forward with other kiddie pornaholics, much like how the Catholics have been doing lately. Screw steroids, this is the witch-hunt we should be focused on.

Kenosha police shoot, kill naked man

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. The entire story involves drugs, shampoo, naked kids, and choking naked kids. Just another day in Kenosha.

Man Stuffs Feces In Mouth To Beat Breathalyzer

After he vomited, urinated, and defecated all over the cop car, he was faced with a difficult decision: Which substance should he use to cover his boozebreath?

He played paper, rock, scissors with himself and lost, then crammed as much big feces as he could stand into his mouth. Ah, it almost worked.

God Instructs Man to Juggle For Schiavo

Sadly, this is the most relevant news out of this whole saga.

Update: She’s dead, y’all