Johnnie Cochran, best lawyer ever, dies at 67

R.I.P.

Racking up major points for deathpool participants yesterday, Johnnie “Mountain Man” Cochran peaced TFO at his L.A. home because of some crazy brain tumor.

He was the Big Pimp on the Dream Team, making Bob Shapiro, F. Lee Bailey, and Barry Scheck look like Larry, Curly, and Schemp.

But we all remember him for the landmark case against TGI Friday’s Restaurants, in which his defendants won a $36 million settlement after the chain’s management admitted knowingly replacing chocolate with cheaper, Alabama topsoil in their “Cup of Dirt” childrens’ dessert.

Yeehaw! First Cousins Get Married in Maryland

May all cousin-love jokes involving Kentucky and Oklahoma be forever diverted to Maryland. Freaks. Freaks. Freaks. Freaks. Freaks. Freaks. Freaks.

Tractor driver suffocates under pile of manure

Yep, still one of the worst ways to die:

5. Having your heart pulled out
4. Falling off of Gotham Cathedral
3. Drowning in manure
2. Being lowered into boiling liquid steel
1. Being starved to death while millions watch