Chimps critically injure sanctuary visitor
It’s for reasons like this that I wake up in the morning.
Man can blow up balloon using his ears
Doctors say that if he continues this action, he will die within six months. Similar to the Homer/cannonball situation @ Lollapalooza, a few more performances could mean the end.
Surgeons say there is a massive bubble of air trapped near his medulla oblongata, and he risks a grenade-like explosion in his skull. Sweet.
Tawny Peaks selling her breast implants on eBay
I will be accepting donations to the Synapticblur Breast Implant Auction Fund all weekend long. Duke sucks.
Baseball starts new era of drug testing
Today marks the first time that baseball players will be tested for out-of-date ‘roids. Since the League makes tons more money from juiced players, we’ll probably only see a few conciliatory busts, but I’d trade them all for one single blockbuster positive. I’m lookin at you, Randy Johnson.
