Some idiot makes a great case for Atlantis in Bolivia

Super Goat Weed with Maca. For all of your sexual needs. “Both ingredients are designed to provide you and your mate with a memorable night of romance.”

Wind of Changes - for recovering devotees of the Gentle Wind Project. I have no idea what the hell any of that means.
Check out some of their sweet, sweet products.

Double Dragon up in your grill, son.

Get a tattoo by Hoss, such as deer scene, a wuzzle, or the classic panther, snake, and rose. Collect them all!

Cheap drinks in Allston. I’ve already memorized this.

Jose Canseco and Bronson Pinchot will star in the Surreal Life: Season 5. Sorry, Jack, Balki’s back.

“Official site of Terry Schiavo’s funeral”

Pope John Paul II given last rites

That means he’s about to die…

Boy Scout Official Pleads Guilty To Unsurprising Kiddie Porn Charges

Confirming everything that Alec Baldwin taught us about Boy Scouts, a high-ranking official has been completely busted for a ton of good ol’ kiddie porn.

I hope this causes the organization to come forward with other kiddie pornaholics, much like how the Catholics have been doing lately. Screw steroids, this is the witch-hunt we should be focused on.

Kenosha police shoot, kill naked man

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. The entire story involves drugs, shampoo, naked kids, and choking naked kids. Just another day in Kenosha.

Man Stuffs Feces In Mouth To Beat Breathalyzer

After he vomited, urinated, and defecated all over the cop car, he was faced with a difficult decision: Which substance should he use to cover his boozebreath?

He played paper, rock, scissors with himself and lost, then crammed as much big feces as he could stand into his mouth. Ah, it almost worked.

God Instructs Man to Juggle For Schiavo

Sadly, this is the most relevant news out of this whole saga.

Update: She’s dead, y’all

The Hova-Bator Jay-Z’s custom-designed ostrich egg incubator

The unbelievable truth behind Overstock.com’s weird ad campaign.

Beautifully in-depth breakdown of Kevin Arnold’s girls

University of Nigeria’s proud alumni want you to become a part of the tradition.

The National Organizations for Lesbians of Size is having their annual conference at the Newark Airport Marriott from July 15-17, 2005. Be sure to bring your enormous edible panties.

I love me some Sloppy Joe’s, but I doubt I’ll go near those:
Vegetarian SJ’s | Turkey SJ’s | Asian SJ’s | Raccoon SJ’s

Johnnie Cochran, best lawyer ever, dies at 67

R.I.P.

Racking up major points for deathpool participants yesterday, Johnnie “Mountain Man” Cochran peaced TFO at his L.A. home because of some crazy brain tumor.

He was the Big Pimp on the Dream Team, making Bob Shapiro, F. Lee Bailey, and Barry Scheck look like Larry, Curly, and Schemp.

But we all remember him for the landmark case against TGI Friday’s Restaurants, in which his defendants won a $36 million settlement after the chain’s management admitted knowingly replacing chocolate with cheaper, Alabama topsoil in their “Cup of Dirt” childrens’ dessert.

Yeehaw! First Cousins Get Married in Maryland

May all cousin-love jokes involving Kentucky and Oklahoma be forever diverted to Maryland. Freaks. Freaks. Freaks. Freaks. Freaks. Freaks. Freaks.

Tractor driver suffocates under pile of manure

Yep, still one of the worst ways to die:

5. Having your heart pulled out
4. Falling off of Gotham Cathedral
3. Drowning in manure
2. Being lowered into boiling liquid steel
1. Being starved to death while millions watch

“Official site of Bloc Party’s hype machine”

Vulgarity Forcibly Tattooed on Teen’s Forehead

Three teens charged with using improv stun guns

The only thing that anyone’s ever learned from The Man Show, the boys used disposable cameras to shock their victims with 300 volts of pure pain, enough to cause hemorrhaging in one boy’s brain, and complete sterilization in another.

Wisconsin Professor to Test Stun Guns on Pigs

In a bizarre stun-gun menage-a-trois, the professor wants to electrocute cops while cops electrocute suspects while the suspects electrocute him. Wisconsin is the only state in which such action is even remotely legal.

Gere, Koizumi dance at Japan PM’s office

In the running for Couple of the Year, the two then embarked on an evening cruise to Koizumi’s private island for more dancing and champagne.

“Keeping Whitney Houston crack-free since Friday”