Moss traded to Raiders, C-Webb to 76ers, and
‘toine back to Celtics for the Glove

Who’s the freaking Raiders’ quarterback anyway? Kerry Collins? Gag. Remind me to pick Randy 50th overall next year in my fantasy draft.

Randy will either shoot or be shot by a fan by Week 5, and his fro will have its own jersey number.

Other than that, I predict a yawn-filled, 1,100-yard, 8 TD season unless they unfreeze Rich Gannon.

Blink-182 Goes on ‘Indefinite Hiatus’

I sent them a letter a while ago that basically said they suck and should break up. I’m glad that someone listens to me.

Perchlorate found in breast & dairy milk across US

This study boosts milk up the charts as now the second-most dangerous drink out there:

5. Urine
4. Extremely old Appleton’s rum
3. Black Grape Mountain Dew
2. Milk
1. Sulfuric acid

Saudis May Give Women Right to Vote

Saudi men are willing to concede suffrage to maintain the right to publicly beat, humiliate, and sell their wives. Whatever works.